oh hamy night

the rain is freezing falling it is the night of presents galore.
And this makes me realize how much I don't want a traditional family. I want my kids to run around in the bush, to swim naked in clean rivers, and, to pick wild berries. Where could such things take place? Africa? Bali? Montana? And how does one who is accustomed to getting anything she wants whenever she wants it (no I'm not spoiled, I'm American) break out of this horrid lifestyle to achieve such simple living? Two words: Peace Corps? (kind of beats the other two that have been on the mind the last year: Grad School)
What do you think?

there's something to be said

about sleeping with dogs. The morning facial licks are enough to make anyones day.

and the depression sets in

I didn't think it would happen so fast. Two things to change it: get out of my head, and out of moms house.
I'm going to yoga.

upon entering Utah

This was said to my little sister, whose child is about to turn one, last night
"you should be getting pregnant soon, it's better to have them close together."

wide awake at 5 am. I am a lucky gal

Luck, you may ask? Of course! I love to be awake this early and wish I woke up in this sort of mood more often. I'm sure the people reading this are cringing right now because they are all mothers (fuckers) (isn't that what blogs are all about posting your pics of the lil ones? UH NO!!) and have awoke many times at this hour before- but there is something about just waking up, knowing that today is going to be a great day that makes for a wonderful early cup of coffee and a good solid 2 hours of study time before I take my Physiology final. After I pass with a 90 (realistically 78) I am headed for the open road. CD books and Frida in the front seat, and the back piled high with stuff I don't need.

let this be known

Staying at your x boyfriends house after you have moved out makes for a hard nights sleep. I should be studying now, freaking Physiology is a damn hard class. Especially when your professor wants to be teaching medical students but is at a community college instead and presents in 78 slides what another professor shows in 18.
Big change for me coming up, not looking too forward to it as I hate the cold. I know the move is temporary and must remind myself that so I don't become a 39 year old stay at moms home. I am excited to see Frida in the snow though. But will admit that she is going to miss the ocean so much I feel a bit guilty taking her from it, considering the lakes will be frozen in Utah until we are ready to depart. Not the Great one though, and god forbid I let her swim there. It would be worse than trying to get the stink out of a skunked dog. I'd rather take her to Antelope Island and let her chase the bison. Okay, I guess I'm a little excited to hit the land of Zion again, if only for a short time. Graduate school (in a hopefully warm ocean climate) here I come!

feeling very pessimistic about this week

Note to self: check to make sure the corner store has Campbells Tomato Soup in stock when ordering a grilled cheese to go from another restaurant. Progressive Tomato Basil does not cut it.

and on this day

Fancy became an adult.

The events leading up to this moment in my life have blended somewhat smoothly together. Mostly because of my quintessiental family, beloved friends, great therapist, and growing pitbull. And not to forget music, which will help any soul who uses it- note to Vicky Hatch. I would like to thank the Fleet Foxes, whom I've just discovered, and have helped me harmoniously with my new status of singlehood.
But the surreal experience that I just sat through was the topping on the cake of adulthood I've so longed for. The setting was a corner office in an insurance company, the notary resided there. He had made it his Oasis-beautiful & intricate model ships he'd assembled, a chandelier, dusty gifts of fine liquor, the widest grandfather clock I've ever seen, christmas angel in the window, candle burning, and endless plants.
And the reason I'm sitting across from this jolly man with luscious lips? I am a witness to the signing of divorce papers between my freshly made x boyfriend and his sweet wife of seven years, four of which involved yours truly.
So as I am taking all of the notaries serene office space into account I realize what a major change my life is going to take. And music was discussed the whole time.

Mount Shasta

After carving my name in a dead tree, my brother went and pissed on it.

A great quote

Out of the strain of the Doing, Into the peace of the Done.
-Julia Louise Woodruff

tis true

The darkest night I ever saw was the night I left my love. True love, true love what have I done your heart has turned and gone.
Thank you to the band His Name Is Alive, whose song is written above. The following song is called After I Leave U. And I showed the title to Antonio the night I left my love.

Maybe white (trash) kids aren't so bad

This is Starrs babe Lennon and she is damn cute.

my most favorite communications

I received an email from an older Chinese man who is in my class and wanted to keep it forever in print. It reminded me of a tip I got when I had a paper route in my youth. It was a check made out to Shannon for Ten dollars. That's all it said- Shannon and Ten. I never cashed it, but I'm sure the account is closed because the nice couple, one of only a few that were black in my neighborhood growing up, died long long ago.
Here is the email. My teacher calls him Fouk, but his emails say Sam. I think I like Fouk better.
Hi:
Thanks for your notes, and its help me like a people thirty in a desert.
If you have more news in muscle, please let me know too.
Thanks again
sam

Come to find out Fouk got a hold of the test before we actually took it and called my friend with some answers but he didn't call me. Who's thirty in the desert now Fouk?

Get books, have better conversations

My friend has an amazing amazon shop so I am spreading the word to my phantom readers. If any catch your eye, let her know you are Fancy's friend and maybe she'll hook you up. I know there are a lot to scroll through, but many of them are old school childrens books- totally worth your time!

One more shout out regarding the best cookies I have ever put into my mouth (sorry homebakers these are the shiznit). They are called Uncle Eddies and flavored peanut butter chocolate chip. Better yet, they are vegan!

And one more tidbit. On our walk tonight Frida ate a teabag. String and paper label attached. Is it weird I'm excited to see how it comes out?

http://www.amazon.com/shops/darkandstormybooks

TV On The Radio

I have the same feeling in my stomach when I was trying to study with Frida as a new puppy. How can I think of anything else except for seeing this band tomorrow night? I am absolutely infatuated with these dudes and if any of my phantom readers have not heard them, please check em out yo. And guess what? I got a sold out general admission ticket. That means I am going to be right up front shaking my shit all night long. Oh dear, what is a girl to wear?

Oh my gOd. This is histOry!

I was On the verge Of tears with a permagrin attached, hOw dOes that happen? I've yet tO shed the lacrimal ducts and am happily tucked intO bed. Regarding this mOmentOus achievement-I'm sO happy I went Out tOnight. The bar was filled with peOple, and at 7:59.55 the cOuntdOwn began. I was a little cOnfused because I thOught CA's pOlls clOsed at 8, which was the time they annOunced the next president. EveryOne was freaking Out. I still feel hOarse. My favOrite part was seeing Obamas meter measurement mOve up as McCains stayed at a steady 141 to Obama's 338. What a landslide! NOw if Only prOp 8 gOes thrOugh, things will be lOOking up fOr America. It already is, can't yOu feel it?

I need Mobys' 'Feeling So Real' song

San Francisco is full of life, but often my apartment drains it right out of me. Dim light, cold, and jumbled cognition play a huge part of this, but when I leave these dreadful doors I always feel 99% better. Life thrives on these streets.
Halloween is especially fantastic here and since it fell on the last Friday of the month, Critical Mass was taking place. That's a bike rally that fucks up the traffic for two hours. Drivers, especially cab, love it. People got all dressed up, and many dressed their bikes up. Amazing and vibrant and great to be a part of, even as a bystander. My favorite costume was this dude dressed as a dog who had a cone around his head. Since Frida had a hematoma on her ear removed she is wearing one so the rider and I both got a huge kick out of that!
And todays vibrancy? A line wrapped around the outside of City Hall of people voting early. It's Sunday. And the campaigners loved Frida!

back to back dreams

I'm sharing these for my benefit, not for that of my phantom readers, because I never remember my dreams and it just so happens that, for not one but two nights in a row I've had very vivid dreams that are still wedged in the skull. Before I dispel I'm going to copy and paste from Mr. David Sedaris on undecided voters.

'I look at these people and can’t quite believe that they exist. Are they professional actors?
I wonder. Or are they simply laymen who want a lot of attention?
To put them in perspective, I think of being on an airplane. The flight attendant comes down the aisle with her food cart and, eventually, parks it beside my seat. “Can I interest you in the chicken?” she asks.
“Or would you prefer the platter of shit with bits of broken glass in it?”
To be undecided in this election is to pause for a moment and then ask how the chicken is cooked.'

And now the dreams. Kari, my sister, and I are on this smaller sized cruise ship headed to Mongolia, (you know because it is so landlocked and all) it seems like we're on the ocean because there are waves and we're on the top deck excited because we see our docking point, which is the peoples house we are going to be staying at. We also see hippos. Many, many hippos. And these are huge getting ready for the Mongolian winter hippos, not your average African river horses.
The boat barely stops to drop us off and we sludge through the wetland to get to the house. The house has this sort of European old person feel, light brown shag carpet accompanied with the classic geriatric scent. The lady is very nice, shows us our room and tells us the price is $13.00 a night. I ask her about all of the hippos, because they are everywhere. We are in the kitchen and this ginormous hippo is trudging up the hill to the neighbors house. We are scared, they are scared too. The neighbor gives up a plastic container of dog bones to the hippo, which opens it eats the bones and tosses the container down. Then the hippo sees us. We run towards our guest room. I'm standing against the door while the hippo is terrorizing the house. I decide it's better to hide under the bed because the hippo could obviously break down the door and under the bed would be harder to spot us. So we bolt bedside and what do we see? 3 lovely afghans folded so neatly; one pink, one tan, and the other, who knows? Finally, the raucous ends, the man of the house comes in the bedroom with a small handgun and explains the mess we have caused. I feel terrible and begin to start cleaning.

And last nights. I'm enrolled at UCSF (a somewhat prestigious school, I guess) the classroom is a big beautiful wooden one, and a friend and I are not paying any attention. The instructor calls on me to join in the discussion. I apologize to him, say I wasn't sure which page we are on and he is livid. Everyone knew what was going to happen. I was to be expelled the UCSF way. A group of established looking older gentlemen come in and call me to the front of the room. They circle around me, as if being confirmed after baptism, and in front of the whole class I am officially withdrawn from the school.
Could you imagine?

What I learned today

The faithful (or is that fateful?) Mormons have put forth millions of dollars (probably your tithing) in order to fight a proposition that is not even on the Utah ticket. Prop 8, here in CA, is in support of gay marriage so it figures they would be against it. As Carol Liefer said, "it's funny that the Mormons, whose history stems from polygamy, are against this proposition." Wake up and smell 2008 Mormon readers and stop giving up that 10%, because they are spending it places that they shouldn't be.
It is amazing to me that issues such as this are being discussed during the crises that we live in right now. Not only is the economy about to flounder, the oceans are rising and the molten lava pots below them are about to bubble out killing off everything anyway, so I guess it doesn't really matter if they fight a stupid ideal about marriage being between a man and a woman when soon there won't be either one to walk down that dreadful aisle of time and all eternity. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ Amen.

Thanks for the great ass. You are dearly missed.

I keep thinking about how you used to tell me to work for Halmark or the Forest Service when I was in my early twenties. I told you this the last time I talked to you and even though you could barley talk, you let out a loud burst of laughter. I really wish I would have listened to you. It's alright though, and I told you this too, I'm 32 and on my way of making something of my life. And I promise to you not to give up. Because I know you never did.

two things I adore

If I ever move from SF, which I'm sure will be next year, I am going to miss my haircutter immensely. Before I moved out here I would fly from SLC for haircuts. That, of course, was when I was employed and taking a trip a month. So here it is my current two favorite things.. My new haircut and this yogurt. It's a greek style called Fage and you can buy it from Whole Foods or Trader Joes. Get the non fat and fill it up with walnuts and honey (necessity) and enjoy. I seriously moan when I eat it.

oh oh the places I'll go

I've been distracting myself with images of dream vacations and thought it would be beneficial to put into print the locations around the world that I long to visit. So, in no particular order here goes..
Mongolia, Mexico, The Baltic, Indonesia et al the little islands around there, Turkey, Greece, Budapest, France, Prague, Scandinavia, Antarctica, Japan, Africa, Tehran, New York and all over the Southern US, Argentina...
That is a good list to work from for now. Of course I want to go everywhere but it is good to have priorities, right?
And now I'd like to publish where I have been, to remind myself of how bad ass I really am
(and how much bad asser I need to be).
Germany, Spain, Amsterdam, Austria, London, Lisbon, the Yukon Territory, Vancouver B.C, Hawaii, Alaska and the Arctic Circle, Mucho locations from various US road trips, Jamaica, Costa Rica, Thailand, Egypt and diving in the Red Sea.
Did I forget anywhere?

Have I done any good in the world today?

Have I helped anyone in need? I asked a woman sitting in her car how to get to this town and she replied, I'll take you. When I profusely thanked her all she said was, do something nice for somebody else. Isn't that the golden rule? Then I got drunk with my sister. Apart from the waitress I tipped, that was doing something nice for me.
We sang that song at my grandmas funeral and the part that says 'then wake up and do something good' I put a little umpthf in it 'then WAKE UP and do..' isn't that how it should be sung? Especially in church, even at a funeral.

I'm gonna miss her

I'll write more about my feelings on death and funerals and stuff, but until then I wanted to get this classic Thanksgiving picture out into the world wide web. Isn't she the cutest thing? And him? That's Aaron, my sisters beau, who has never tasted a drink of alcohol in his life. Wouldn't have guessed it would ya? A memory: one time I ordered a beer in front of granny and she ordered a non alcoholic one so I wouldn't drink alone! She quite liked it too.

as I'm boarding the plane

I ask the pilot what side of the plane the sunset will be on. His response,'I don't know I haven't checked the weather'. Uh, wait a minute you are flying this plane and you don't know your East from your West? I feel safe. Real, real safe.

circle of life

My grandma is about to die. It is snowing on Mars.

cardboard or corn?

OK, I'll admit it, sometimes I like McDonalds. There is something about that place that cheers me up. For example, I ate there after I took the GRE and I am afraid to admit I just consumed it again. I used to get a big mac minus the meat (those patties gross me out) but now I've moved on to a cheeseburger with no meat and no ketchup sub big mac sauce and lettuce. I'm sure the attendant loves me. Hey, it's only .97 compared to the big mac price of 3.50. (I can't believe I've written so much about this place and am continuing on). But todays experience was a little different. Taking that shit to go is a huge mistake. First of all, the fries turned to stale pencils, the lettuce to wilted bits of something, and, the smell that remains in my apartment is probably how the employees' hampers smell. I'm hoping this curbs my craving for the beast for a long while.

if you like molecules

I got this off of a blog I check once in a while (thank you mightygirl).
If you like science, click here. http://www.periodicvideos.com/#
I've started to write in notebooks again, because I feel as if inside my head is stuff that only I need to see in print. Will start to post meaningful posts sometime in the future. Probably.

but i've still got my feet

So I didn't score quite high enough on the GRE.
I'm not upset about it, I've still got plenty of options and a dog.

now I'm really in trouble.. no 9/19 post..

So here it is belated. Not much to say except that I feel like I'm getting plump, I'm taking the GRE on Saturday, and, I can't wait until I get the new TV ON THE RADIO album which is to be released on Tuesday. Some songs are available for preview on their website. And, also on the site there is a still image that oddly reminds me of a castle I visited in Spain to which I rode the train and sat across from the sexiest couple who had obviously just started dating and were so into each other it made me and the weird girl I was with jealous. She was a young, beautiful Turkish American who had to take a conference call immediately off the train, while her jet setter English beau snuck a few peeks at my White American Ass. Why oh why did I ever come back?

my favorite part is when she poses with the shot gun

So if you didn't see SNL (like me) here is the link from the skit with Palin/Clinton.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wi9WEj21h1g&feature=rec-fresh

I hope you tube doesn't delete it like the previous one I posted.
Here's another one from my new friend Matt Damon.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SKDLzjzgoRo

I have been hearing so much upsetting news that it makes me want to puke. And the worst part is that people I know are for the Repubs aka Repubes. So throughout all of this bullshit I have decided to look into using my frequent flyer miles on a dream vacation. Yup, that's right I'm going to Mongolia. I'm aiming for June of next year, anyone interested in accompanying me?

crap! I didn't post on 9/9

I realized I was making a much bigger deal about that damn test that is approaching than I needed to, so I rented a car a drove away. Sat in a hot tub, visited with my sister, smelled clean air, saw huge pine cones, ate a home cooked meal, & picked blackberries. Life is good. I guess.

Hypocrisy worse than some latter day saints

I don't mean to offend from the title because this has nothing to do with the faith I was brought up in, but with the recent cluster fuck of conventions that exposed the buxom VP nominee. Jon Stewart is my new hero, if you haven't seen this clip on Karl Rove and others being such hypocrites, please do watch. It will be incredible to see what else comes up in the next few months.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HEkNS3QxFCM

DAMNIT! they removed the clip. serves you right, you should be keeping up with my blog more.
Anyway, you should find the clip, it was from Jon Stewarts show on Sept.3rd. Google Jon Stewart on Bill O'Reilly or Karl Rove and Hypocrisy. Search for it baby. Remember; no search, no news, no dice. Get it?... Come on! Fast Times with a twist.

Why I get accupunture for stress

So I understand that these are metabolic pathways and they happen inside the cell. And I understand a few more things, however instead of wasting my time on this blog I should be studying. And I'm not gonna be a shouldy anymore. Shoulda Coudla Woulda See ya.

get this

I forgot how to take contacts out of my eyes. I thought it was a simple slide and pull movement but with the addition of fingernails it proves to be more difficult. Frida just coughed up some spit on the carpet in the shape of a smiley face, how sweet is that?

Slow Food

SF is the best city in the country. I have been enjoying this weekend tremendously, apart from sitting in a classroom for 7 hours trying to understand Physiology, I have frequented the Slow Food Nation festival and let me tell you- there's much to be done about well, everything. Will post more on this later- at present I have a very bad headache and would rather be playing with my sleeping dogs (whom I sometimes refer to as Maybelline) salivary glands.

gotta get to nine gotta get to nine

gotta have a job. for the true fans of mm, and no not marshall matters or the specks of candies.

my favorite colorful book

I'm trying to get Frida to spoon with me but she has the hiccups so it's not working out so well, plus I'm drunk so it's probably better I don't lay down completely. Better yet, I'll make a drink. Bailey's on ice or with coffee? It is rather late I'll go with Baileys on ice, isn't it nice Bailey's on ice. My tolerance is rather low, I enjoyed two glasses of wine with my dinner tonight and when I started to feel drunk I thought "great, I can blog!" How pathetic is that? At least I'm not like Frida who is at present, licking herself.

The other night I went out to one of my favorite pizza places in the city, which happens to be a block away from my house. Among the list of fine wines I noticed a can of hamms. How could I not order that? And how could I have forgotten how great my thought process is? It's funny aka sad how life seems to get going and you forget to do the little things that you should be doing like uh, learning how to make scrumptious meals and writing, constantly writing.

Honestly, this GRE deal has made me dizzy. Tonight, I went to a repeat of the first class of a set of classes I finished a month ago. Talk about a waste of time! Just because I have scared myself shitless about this exam. Imagine the MCAT. And to think I want to be a doctor. And a writer. And a scientist. Anyway I am taking the test on the 27th of Sept. I have one month to prepare. Oh ya, and I'm taking Physiology this semester.

So to calm my nerves and make myself smile inside I am often resorting to this gem of a book whose author I am dying to drink tea with. The name of the book is The Principles of Uncertainty and it is written by Maria Kalman. Bless her heart. Bless your hearts. And bless my 32 year old everything!

All about the Mormons?

If you have not seen the South Park episode referenced in the title you must go to the link below. This is about the most accurate portrayal of a Utah family I have ever seen, you can tell the creators are from neighboring Colorado. The download may take a few and it might pause during the episode, but those are minor things to deal with when spreading the word of the gospel. Enjoy!

http://www.allsp.com/l.php?id=e108

if the link doesn't work, go to www.allsp.com and I think it is part of the seventh season.

about a gardenia (to lighten my spirits)

and to get in my nine posts for the month. I posted previously about having one of the only gardenia plants in San Francisco to bloom (according to my gardener neighbor). Well, when I was in Utah three flowers brightened Antonio's life and now one remains.

More Olympic viewing thanks to my HDTV. I am so glad I am not a celebrity. And to think I used to want to be famous. I'd like my fame after I die thanks. And for more randomness, I love it when I tell Frida to go to her bed and she walks so solemnly into the kitchen. Aka I love it when she listens to me. She is so strong that when she leans against my bed she pushes it. But I still want her to sit on me. Perhaps it's time to get meself a lap dog.

I need to write a practice essay for the GRE and I really really really don't want to do it. I found the key for problems like this is to tell your instructor you're going to do it, then you have to. I think I don't like writing publicly when I compare it to my passionate brother in laws comments. Hmm, graduate school good idea? Homelessness better one?

Olympics= too much US exposure

Is it just me or were you happy when that little Nastia got a silver instead of a gold? I'm talking gymnastics here and this chick looks like such a little bitch. I hope she screws up on her other events- or better yet, I hope she is done competing.

I just heard that the government has contracted three colleges( U of Maryland, U of CA Irvine, Carnegie Mellon) to create technology that is able to read peoples thoughts. They say it will be for soldiers who suffer from PTSD. Right, right. We believe you mighty government. How about marketing that shit for weight loss, cheating husbands, and final exams? Soon to come I'm sure.

I am going to see the Antarctica movie for the third time tomorrow night. It's obvious I will get there some day.

I have so much to do. Crap.

Views from an 88 year old

I have been chilling with my grandmother for about two weeks and today I asked her if she thought about death. She told me she never did, which I found sort of surprising because hey, who doesn't think about death (especially at 88). Then she said "I'll be here until I'm dead and that will be about it." Aint that the truth?

It's like soul, man

Okay so does anybody read this? Am I writing for my own entertainment? A place to release all of my revelations, realizations and recommendations? For lack of better content and because of the time I would like to tell all of my phantom readers about a flick I saw tonight. That I loved very much. It is called Encounters At The End Of The World and it is a no frills documentary about Antarctica. No fluffy penguins here- just pure science, and people that I want to be around. Time will only tell I suppose.

hello, Utah!

I'm at my grandmothers house and the doorbell rings. It's Sunday and at the door are two young men dressed in full three piece suits. The temperature is at least 100 degrees and I'm dressed in a risky tank top and mini skirt. I'm sure these pre pubescent boys who are so worthy and knowledgeable of all life has to offer are a bit taken back. (Who is this whore at Fran Hatch's house? I wish my nurse looked like that!)
I invite them in, they have come to bring my grandmother the sacrament. They prepare a single bite size piece of Wonder bread and a simple sip of water, complete with the little plastic cup and trays they use in church. They read the prayer and proceed to serve, kindly asking me if I'd like some. I tell them no, me taking it might crack the tray.
Who are these kids? I ask them their last names, couldn't give a damn about the firsts. One of them I knew as a baby when I was forced to sit through four hours of worship. Surely there must be a better way to have spirituality in my childrens lives.

Reflection

At the age of thirty two I have decided to stop sucking my thumb.
This could be the beginning of some very good things.
And, the end of a lot of pollex wrinkles.

Two amazing things...

a. The gardenia plant that I bought in early spring has a flower. This I thought would never happen because the temperature in SF isn't quite warm enough for these delicate plants. I even gave up on it, left it sitting outside, lots of leaves turned brown and Frida ate some buds. Then I noticed the soft whiteness coming through. It isn't fully opened yet but the smell is there, so that is good enough for me.

b. The bar around the corner near my house is doing a sing along to Les Miserables on Saturday night. Two drink minimum, think I'll be having more. 'Nuff said. Anyone care to join me?

Bless her heart

yum yum dinner

I am trying to get my nine posts in for the month and Frida is in the kitchen whining. I just let the dog try some cabbage and she seemed to like it very much. But her favorite so far is cheese, her eyes open so wide when she sees it and she learned how to say give it to me. Yup my dog can talk. As for me I have made the healthiest dinner I've had in months, a simple baked sweet potato no butter, no nothing but a nice pile of chopped up raw red cabbage on top. Imagine the colors!

regarding not feeling too fancy

This is pretty funny. Go ahead read the first line of the post I referenced in this title. In my abnormal psych class last night I learned about schizophrenia and one of the symptoms is talking in clang, which is rhyming. But don't worry I'm safe, in fact all of my siblings are because we are all older than the onset of symptoms which is aged 27 for gals and 21 for boys. Watch out yous that are younger! That is, if anybody is even reading this. It doesn't really matter if anyone is or not because I am going to continue posting my nine posts a month. But comments are entirely appreciated!

makes me feel like living every day to the fullest

Funny how in the space of two days my outlook can be totally different eh? Well, that's because when you work at a hospital you would be crazy not to feel appreciative for everyday you wake up without bleeding in your head.
Also, I bought the bag that reads "Oh hello, Fancy Pants" and feel damn cute with it. I forgot the way that worked, you know buying stuff to make you feel good.
But what makes me feel the most satisfied with my life today is how I didn't have to call any of my friends after leaving my GRE course close to tears tonight. Instead I called my mom and reinforced my too soon forgotten mantra. dammmit, all it takes is confidence.

not feeling too fancy

sometimes I want to die. but I thank the lord for the sky. and for not having a sty in my eye.
So tomorrow is a minute away and I hope my blues go with it! I know what is bringing me down and I do believe that is the starting point for change, aint it? It's my cognitive part that needs a shaking and a twisted and a plain old reshaping. On Tuesday I shall go purchase this bag I saw in a real cutesy shop that I discovered near my house. It says Fancy Pants on it and it's obvious that I should own it. I also discovered this fun vocabulary building website, so I will be spending all my wasted time online here @ FreeRice.com instead of there and there. You get the word right, starving people get 20 grains of rice. Awesomeness of the internets once again.

word of the day

Pusillanimous. How great is that? Go look it up yo!

a new mantra

So guess what else the chic in the coffee shop said? Pretty much that I should go to the gym. Her comment applies favorably with my mantra that I so desperately needed and is working quite well; I CAN AND I WILL.

oh oh train of thought where do you go?

AKA train of thought, how do you get here? I have gone over a hundred ideas in my head on proper study techniques for this damn test and have yet to sit down and apply any of them. But as the chic in the coffee shop said, you have two months no big deal. And as I say, damn straight. Perhaps I should start focusing on my classes I am taking this summer?

It is pride weekend here in the city so it is full of visitors from other places acting as if they live here. A great deal of these visitors happen to be homosexual (that term is so lame to write, but also very proper linguistically) females who all dress exactly the same. And I have seen more than one couple who have flat tops and sideburns, actual stubble on their baby soft cheeks. Weird.

Speaking of baby soft, my pooch has lost some of her teeth and they look so funny I thought I'd post a pic. The other? Oh, that's my head and I am trying to compare the size of our necks, hers is huge! Put both your hands together in a circle and that is about the girth- at four months old. She starts puppy classes tomorrow and me? I am going to start studying right about..now.

Please do this

Each night I get so inspired when I watch this wonderful lady and hope to share the wealth.

http://www.democracynow.org:80/stations

Just click on your place of residence and turn in, tune up, and drop out. Anyone know the movie that is from?

some of you know, I've seen UFO

So as always I'm multitasking; surfing the web, studying for the GRE, massaging Frida's sweat glands, and, watching a show about UFO's on National Geographic HD. Let me tell you of my sighting and by the way, every time I tell this story I get the chills. In eleventh grade during my Wildlife Biology class we took a field trip to the Arizona Border. Our great teacher, Mr. Jackman led this field trip with all of his classes and there were about 30 kids and 6 adults. One night we were all sitting around the campfire listening to Mr. Jackman's stories and some of us noticed a bright light suddenly appear in the sky. It was so bright and just appeared out of nowhere. Those of us who saw it all shouted "did you see that!" then the whole group turned to look at the sky. The light came back, just as bright and started to dart back and forth across the sky very very quickly. We were all silent. The light went away for a few moments, then came back. This time a second light came with it. So one of the lights raced across the sky and the second followed it, playing leap frog with it. I kid you not internets, I saw two UFO's playing leapfrog with each other. And I wasn't the only one.

a few thangs

Sitting in my GRE class tonight taking the diagnostic test made me feel like running out of there, crying. I just have to remember two things: it's a class I'm enrolled in to do better on the test aka don't be so hard on meself, and, smells cure the blues. Even though my puppy has ruined my $250 Bose speakers, I love her so much. I'll post pictures soon but here's an image, she's curled up on my lap snoring and when the 25 lbs or so that she is got too heavy I said go to your bed and she ran so fast away. I love it when she listens and, I want another dog. Lastly, on Democracy Now (a program everyone should listen to) there was a saying from a dude who has raised $300,000 for McCain who compared rape to bad weather. He said you just have to lay back and wait until it is finished. Hmm food for thought for you freaking republicans out there.

the good earth

This is what I have been waking up to the past few days in Big Sur. And the book I am reading, The Good Earth is amazing. School starts next week and as an added bonus I will have my sisters car so I can experience more nature (and traffic) that the Bay area has to offer. How are people doing out there? I've been going through some crap in my head concerning my relationship (surprise) but I think that is pretty much over now, for a few months. The lemon tree my neighbor gave me has two flowers that smell as magnificent as Gardenias. As always, smells cure the blues. That would be a good name for a band, no?

and the best stuff in the world

Two compliments I've heard. One from a cab driver, the other my neighbor Greg.
"You're iconic." "You're even pretty in the morning."

way better stuff

I crave putting pencil to paper to write down what I am thinking but I already know what I am going to put for my next post, which will be shortly after I am finished with this crappy one. Thoughts they a rumble like the wind in my head or on the leaves of the marijuana plant. I want to learn how to include video imaging on this so am going to call on my friends at Armstrong media for advice. Oh come on dooce I got a new puppy, notus me too. Ha Ha Ha. But something that I did noscere today and Frida noticed too was a spider inching it's way near her domain. This was cute and I will try to describe it here but it probably won't sound funny like when someone is saying how cute or funny their child is and you notice they are neither one. She is in downward dog and the spider has crawled under the crates with her massive paws spread apart, Frida has her back legs on her bed. Which is slipping out from under them and she is slipping quick. The spider bolts out again, onto her nose. So cute huh? Like my little girl Rosey with her blueish cheeks.

stuff. really sick stuff.

There is much to be seen on the streets of San Francisco, plenty of which is not appealing. Here are few that the sick fuck inside of me wants to share with you dear reader. Today as I am walking the pooch I look across the street and see this grown man vomit. He is not leaning over clutching his stomach like one would assume, but rather matter of fact standing upright, he simply opens his mouth and a steady rush catapults out and across then down. It looks as if he is yelling and he hardly missed a step. Now that I think of it, he didn't even stop walking. Second, again with the pooch, I stop looking at what she is smelling for a second then look down to see her nose buried inside of a condom. A used one. In the street. I praise the almighty she did not pick it up. And finally, the man who peed on my new thrift store seat as I am sitting on it waiting for the bus. Did you get that? As I am sitting on it waiting for the bus. But as luck would have it this is a special type of seat and I think it is actually a table, it has a large indention and the urination did not have the momentum to make it over to my side. It's funny, when I bought the seat I felt that I shouldn't have and now Frida is trying to make it her chew toy. Which is okay with me because it is quite ugly and has been peed on by a stranger.

"the liberation of the spirit"

After drinking 4 beers at 7 bucks each tonight, I learned that Antonio calls peeing "the liberation of the spirit". And what, may I ask, is the liberation of the soul?

last nights dream

I had sex with Barack Obama. And I don't remember if it was any good or not. So I think I'm on an island because there were birds and ocean and as we all know, birds and ocean automatically mean island.. Anyway, Barack (we're on a first name basis now) is giving a speech and afterward it's a meet and greet thing. He's talking with my mom and then looks at me and instantly I knew I was going to ruffle his feathers later that night. AKA he gave me the biggest fuck me face I had ever seen. So I'm kind of giddy because come on he's hot and we all know what they say about half Kansans half Kenyan men. Well, later that night he sends a long black car to pick me up, can we say Eliot Spitzer? and then we do it and there aren't any details to tell, aren't you glad? But the funny part is afterwards, there is another random girl there and she tells me they screwed too. ET phone home (Eliot again!) Then I start to notice lots of girls and that is about all I remember. I really wish I knew if it was good or not. Or, if I participated in any cool shit.. I mean immoral acts of copulation only to be shared between husband and wife.

been a long time since I rock n wrote

I am at my mothers and I wish I had some music. But KRCL aka 90.9 for those of yous who don't know about the greatest radio station in Utah is sufficing just fine. It's so nice here; birds chirp constantly, trees shine the brightest green, smog hasn't settled yet so the air is clear, and mighty president Bush is arriving today. Got any grenades? Is that a little risky federal officers tapping this? SO BE IT says my tattooed lip.
I finished my Anatomy class with an awesome A. Can I get a whoop whoop? Summer school starts mid June and so does my GRE class. My summer is going to be a blast.
My favorite thing I've heard this trip is from my lil sista who recently gave birth. Holding her 5 month old daughter, "do you like her?" And the best thing I've seen.. a demolished mall parking lot with a few things left standing- random entrance ways, bubble roof tops, and an elevator leading nowhere.

what do you think about this

•
About
 a 
quart 
of 
mucous
 is 
produced
 every
day


• 
Cilia 
sweep
this
mucus
to
the
pharynx
 where 
it 
eventually 
makes

its 
way
 to
 the
 stomach
 and
 is
 digested


Probably the grossest thing I heard this semester.

How Frida feels when it's 100 in SF

Say it LOUD Say it CLEAR

if anyone is checking this for any fancy updates I apologize. A girl can't be that neat when there is all this muck going on in the world let alone her head. I know I know sift through it all cause life is beautiful and live baby live. Well, 18 veterans kill themselves a day, while 2 or 3 per day die at wartimes. I don't want to make this a total bummer, but while I'm on the sidelines please please please DO NOT BUY FROM Dodge. NOTHING, NADA, ZILCH. It scares me that Dodge teamed up with petrol giants to promise cheap gas for a specified amount of miles and/or time. weird crazy world we live in. Thank the mighty Lord above that there are things like peanut butter cupcakes, arts & crafts, and Democracy Now. I guess I'll keep making stuff out of plaster that looks like white blobs.

it's like riding a bike

Except it's a motorcycle so it has a little more power. And you can't go in the bicycle lane. Although it has been a long while since I drove the trusty bike, the sensation came back as quickly as the sickening feelings inside of my stomach. Not a morning type of sickness, freaktothefunk it's late night yo, so that means the program we all should be watching- DEMOCRACY NOW! is on. Cyclones, civilians, lack of aid. Clinton, execution, the USA. The starving kids and no healthcare. Desperation, dislocation, torture and the 8th amendment. Guantanamo. I should stop. Drop and Roll? I can't do that. I have to work with Al Gore. He lives in my city and I must save the world. Forget Top Chef and realize that Dooce doesn't mention anything of importance (a lot of sites that I peruse don't, for that matter).
I can't go on thinking how jacked up the world is, you have to find the beauty in everyday because you never know when the wave will come crashing down. I don't have a problem finding beauty. A few days ago I walked into a random grocer and what do I see? The princess of fruits, Mangosteen. It is from Thailand, which is where I was introduced to it, and until recently had been illegal to bring into the USA (quarantine issues I suppose). So this morning after my second acupuncture session when I came home with radish seeds taped to my ears, I cut up a bunch of fruit and with a little fresh lime sat down to enjoy this.

oh my god

I HAVE TO WRITE A BOOK TONIGHT. the power of these words need to be heard by everybody.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lhAYP_m4k0w

Why did I feel like throwing my phone in the street tonight?

Is it because I have mice in my apartment? Maybe because I haven't worked in almost a year? Or the fact that I have yet to read the dog training books and the puppy keeps getting bigger and chewyer. And on a similar case, have yet to read the vocabulary builder I so hurriedly requested from my brother because before I know it the GRE will be here and I will be up shit creek as far as vocab goes. Come to think of it, the math section will drag me into shit rapids. Anyway I look at it I know there are numerous ways to cure my current bout of unhappiness and for now the last song on the new Devotchka album is doing just fine.

Silent Witness

While awaiting my stop on the Muni (that's the trusty bus line that runs SF) I looked up at the security camera and saw the name Silent Witness, how great is that? It reminded me of a few things; how great of a thinker I am, Billy Collins whom I've mentioned before, and the movie screening I worked at a few nights ago. The movie is called Graduation and is good for the teens, so any of yous who has a teen or has contemplated robbing a bank should see it.
My job was to check in people who were on the VIP list and my oh my was I underdressed. I was seated so that covered up the newer looking jeans and my top wasn't too shabby but I should have known better. Come on Fancy Ham think of the networks to be made! The potential to live up to! Or is it true what Bukowski says about potential? Did a baby lying in a crib really have more potential than the old man?
So I'm sitting there at this table that belongs to the movie theatre covered with a large grey tablecloth thinking I really should have brought the flowers I was planning on and wondering what do you say to people. Especially those that have a few extra bucks than yourself and have maybe undergone a few more plastic surgeries than the average thirty two year old unemployed student. It seems like I always have a hardish time in social situations and wonder if it's just because I'm a unique individual who is going to be very upset when her 8 week old (today)
Blue Nose Pitbull's head gets to big to do this.

Glad he's not my dad

Have you heard about the story from Austria? Looky the freaks face was in the NY Times today. On another criminal note, I just heard that when the white man went to Australia it was to make it into a sort of penal country. I never knew that. I guess they are using California now. Maybe they should move onto Austria because it's full of locos. JUST KIDDING!

I should carry a camera

Not like I would ever get images like the one below in San Francisco (stupid traffic laws) but today I happened upon a great photo op. Without of course, the camera. This is why I am trying to text the image here. Imagine four scrubby younger teenaged boys sitting on top of an upright pile of SFPD barricades (they're metal and I think they would make really cute bed frames) taking a break from skating a very popular spot on Mission St. Messed up hair, bulky skater shoelaces dangling, and in each ones hands their very own bag of Haribo gummy bears. I can't believe none of them chose the coke bottles. Classic.

tonight

Hello internets. I went to the same bar with the same friend that inspired the previous post 'I'm drunk' and maybe I am a little bit. First off, who the f*!k thinks they can grab a girls ass as they are sitting at a bar? That happened tonight, and the jerks who did it kind of laughed, I yelled at them but should have punched them. My puppy is getting big. It is still comfortable when she climbs into my lap and instantly falls asleep but I fear in a few weeks it won't be. I never realized how big of a hermit I was until I was in this oddly lit parking garage of the movie theatre tonight ( I saw Baby Mama, it's probably worth it, I laughed out loud a few times) thinking about how packed it was with people. But then the bar came and went; the free drinks, the Indian (who asked if he saw me at the library- good pick up line eh?), the Petitioner, the Brazilian, the ass grabber (does not deserve caps). I'd so much rather stay home with Frida.

What is up with the style in SF?

I realize that I am not really one to talk when it comes to fashion even though I have an extremely large tattoo on my back which states: Fashion is Fun, but I often find myself wondering if fashion is playing a joke on those or us who reside in this metropolis. Today in Goodwill (by the way, is it bad to rip off Goodwill? I bought two dog dishes, one for food the other you got it water, and each were priced $2.50 they were stacked on top of each other and I failed to tell the sales associate there were two. Am i rotten? How many more grammatical errors can I break within these parentheses? I really need to read Strunk & White) I passed two people wearing those plastic neon sunglasses that were popular in the 80's. This is not all. Everyday I see people wearing skinny jeans, white socks, and vans which have made a huge comeback as of late and I hate to imagine all of the pairs of shoes being stitched by sweaty hands right now. I don't know where I'm going with this but it blows my mind the way people dress these days. Another thought, I think I've been having a heart attack all day today. That would really suck because I have no insurance.

introducing...FRIDA

I promise this won't turn into a puppy blog, but thought I should post some more pictures of the lil gal who has stolen my heart (and Antonios). Maybe yours too?

it's amazing the things you walk in on

Do not read this if you are eating or get woozy. I arrive at school to look over stuff for my exam tomorrow and wo and behold what do I see? A corpse on her belly, face down, severed head dripping fluid into a bucket on the floor. Her back side is completely flattened due to no movement (get it?, move mama move) and on the table beside her are freaking power tools. I was hoping to be able to take part in the actual cutting but didn't know they were doing it today. He said it usually takes 3 hours, but did it in 1 thanks to all the students help.
When I opened the door I think it surprised them a bit, as they had already cut the skull and were in the process of pulling out the brain. Should I describe the sounds, sights, and smells? Gladly! John (the instructor) had a phillips head screwdriver and was actually wedging it in between her skull and brain, he was sweating and pulling back and forth. The ripping of the duramater (outer most protective layer) sounded like pulling wet weeds out of soft soil. It didn't smell any different than a normal anatomy classroom and the color of the brain was the same as the preserved specimens we have seen before.
The leaking fluid was cerebral spinal fluid and the spinal cord looked surprisingly small, it was white and textured like celery. As John finally wedged the brain out of the skull he had to cut the optic chiasma (wikiP it dude!) and after that it was free from skull (kind of like mind/body seperation ha ha) then he handed it to a student who stood there holding it for about 4 minutes. Ha ha imagine that, here take this brain while I look at the eye sockets in this skull. I didn't see her face but the inside of her skull didn't look different than the older skull specimens. Apart from being wet, the skull looked like any you'd find in one of those mega chain stores that pop up all over town at a certain time in the fall when colors of orange and black abound.
I feel that I should say something about the cadaver business, because it is a very legit one that is mucho importante for us humans to survive. As people donate their bodies to science they are preserved, much like they do in the empire that we call funeral. And after about 2 years of students participating in out of this world experiences like the aforementioned ones in this fancy blog, they get reunited in the celestial kingdom to live with their earthly families forever and eternity.

this is going to make it very, very hard to study

Why didn't I hear about Rock Hudson?

Besides learning, the best part about being a student is finding out about all of the cool shit on the internet that teaches you stuff you never learned about as a kid because you grew up in a place where no one talks about important things, or for that matter, their true feelings. I suppose I shouldn't be so ignorant by saying no important things are discussed in Utah and maybe my teenage girl ears were closed when lessons were taught in my school about little events like, the Civil Rights Movement and AIDS. Or maybe my generation missed the boat, thanks to our standard of great presidential influences over the years. Were the kids who graduated in 1994 too young to be taught about AIDS, or was it still taboo to be discussed? As my professor of Anatomy says, it is a fascinating subject one which can be devoted to an entire semester. We, unfortunately got three slides.This is where the link comes into play.http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/aids/view/ - go here after reading this! I know all of my phantom readers have phantom laundry to fold, papers to read and, flocks of sheep to find but please instead of watching some lame reality t.v show or 240 other minutes of t.v, educate yourself with this Frontline expose. It's better than E!(and Family Feud). Bonus, you'll learn where this phantomesque photo came from. BOO YAY

i hate the word paradox

I am preparing to take the exorbitantly priced GRE test and by doing this I'm building my vocabulary. I just don't understand how the root dox which means belief, teaching or opinion prefixed with para which means beside can combine to create the meaning of paradox. Can anyone shed some light on this for me? I hate this post. This picture is from Portugal. I am eating barnacles. That's right, barnacles. Please don't mind the slight resemblance of man hands.

the protests should be fabulous

As I watched a lone police officer wait for back up with his gun pulled to a car full of suspects, I just couldn't help but feel a bit excited for tomorrow and the chaos that will engulf my great city. For those that don't follow the eternal flame, tomorrow is the day the Olympic torch arrives in SF. And, from this picture you can tell, people are preparing. This stunt caused the Golden Gate bridge to be closed to all pedestrians (a majorly big deal for tourists and commuters I reckon) until the worlds eyes have moved to another city. Tomorrow no SF police have the day off and hundreds of extra CHP officers will be in town. So pull up your swat gear and get in line! You've got a Fancy Ham to reckon with!

only hurting myself

I don't know what got into me. I started to get hung up on this comment thing, and was thinking mad thoughts like I wasn't going to post anything if people weren't replying. Then I realized I am not writing for this, them, or that. I'm writing for me, not the mother C (comments). So please if you will, pardon all the comment jumble and I promise, to me, it shall never happen again. Although, I am curious as to how many iPods have been through the masses. On current count average is three per person. Damn, I am only average. Maybe I'll put my lil red one in the street with the left overs so I can get a new one and be above average.
Tonight perched high on a cushion in a row of velvet seats I listened to my favorite poet, Billy Collins. He stood in the middle of a beautiful rug on a hardwood floor in an old time theatre with wonderfully painted walls. I was grateful for my balcony seat so I could see the entire rug, the blurry poet, and the tiny glass of water jiggle ever so slightly. I was pleased to hear he would be signing books afterward, because I brought my lanyard for him to sign. Why would I bring a lanyard and not a book? Well, that's easy. Posted below is a snippet of his poem entitled "The Lanyard". Enjoy.
The other day as I was ricocheting slowly
off the blue walls of this room
bouncing from typewriter to piano
from bookshelf to an envelope lying on the floor,
I found myself in the "L" section of the dictionary
where my eyes fell upon the word, Lanyard.
No cookie nibbled by a French novelist
could send one more suddenly into the past. A past where I sat at a workbench
at a camp by a deep Adirondack lake
learning how to braid thin plastic strips into a lanyard.
A gift for my mother.
I had never seen anyone use a lanyard.
Or wear one, if that’s what you did with them.
But that did not keep me from crossing strand over strand
again and again until I had made a boxy, red and white lanyard for my mother.
She gave me life and milk from her breasts,
and I gave her a lanyard
She nursed me in many a sick room,
lifted teaspoons of medicine to my lips,
set cold facecloths on my forehead
then led me out into the airy light
and taught me to walk and swim and I in turn presented her with a lanyard.
"Here are thousands of meals" she said,
"and here is clothing and a good education."
"And here is your lanyard," I replied,
"which I made with a little help from a counselor."
"Here is a breathing body and a beating heart,
strong legs, bones and teeth and two clear eyes to read the world." she whispered.
"And here," I said, "is the lanyard I made at camp." ...

high on life aka death

Today I dissected the reproductive and urinary systems of a 6 foot tall cadaver. In laymen's terms I cut an 84 year old penis lengthwise. Following that, I pulled a testie out of the scrotum and cut fat away from the renal area so I could see the tube that allows the urine to flow from the kidney into the bladder. This was an extraordinary thing for me to take part in, seeing as how some RNs and perhaps even some medical students don't get the chance, as a first year anatomy student. I will describe the innards if any of my phantom readers would like me to, but that would involve an actual comment from the suspect in case. I'll sum it up by saying that I think everybody, who has a body, should take an anatomy course. In a few weeks we get to take the brain out of the female before she is set aflame. Party!
Moving on to consumerism. I have had three iPods, only one of which I've purchased. Yesterday. While standing in line I wondered how many iPods the average person has gone through and why it is not that big of a deal to make a large purchase like that
(I bought a lil shuffle for $50 that's why I say it's no big deal). The tourists behind me went up to the counter asking for two 16 gig iPhones which would have been around a grand-excluding CA sales tax which is muy alto. They were out of stock of the 16 gigs, and the retail clerk didn't even direct the couple to another Apple store. This prompted me to ask the cashier how much the store sold daily. He couldn't say. Then I started thinking about the recession. Alas, I was happy to learn that the iPod I chose is part of the program that a percentage (probably minutia) of sales goes to fight AIDS. Colored red, of course. If you'd like, because I would like very much so, please leave a comment and let me know how many iPods you've had in your life.
Also, I think the garlic shrimp I cooked tonight were a little past their expiration date and I hope the homeless that I left them for in the street do not get sick.

Happy Birthday girlhood (and adult) hero!

I just picked up this hefty book and was pleased to see Valerie Janes birthday is the 3rd. Can I go to the jungle with you? Maybe at the zoo they will hand out balloons (that the animals will choke on).

Here's a Wal-Mart bash, because they need it

I can't even believe that I am writing about that place but what I can't believe more is, that some people I know shop there. Imagine this, you get in a car accident, severe brain damage settles in. Thank the lord you have insurance from this corporate hell you've been working in. They shell out $470,000 for the medical expenses and later turn around and sue you for the same amount. In the meantime you have brain damage, your husband (who works three jobs) has to divorce you because Medicare will be more beneficial if you are single and, freaking Wal-Mart is suing you (while they probably make that much an hour). Ok, so the lawsuit has been dropped because of all the bad publicity for the company- oh and in the meantime your son has been killed in Iraq and, you still have brain damage. I wish this was posted on April 1st, but it's the bloody truth in our great land the USofA. On another note, I have an awful confession. I watched American Idol last night (hey, Dolly Parton was on it!) and must say how happy I am that short Asian chick got booted off. I may even watch another episode now.

sedatives and sex hormones in our water?

What in the what? I hope my blogg does not turn into me linking a bunch of articles because I really doubt people are reading this, but here is another great one by Ms. Goodman. Do read phantom readers! http://www.alternet.org/water/80505/
On another note, really I am trying to make longer posts it's just that there is so many awesome things going on inside of my head that I can't wait and place them all together in one lengthy writing session so this is what you get. Me me and more me.. Also I know how busy phantom lives can be. Mine just isn't right now. And hopefully never will be.

service starts here

The title was taken from a sign at Pete's coffee. Isn't it so much better than 'order here'? While listening to NPR this morning I heard that both of our beloved democrats spend 1 to 2 million a day campaigning. Ok, re read that last sentence, EACH DAY 1 to 2 MILLION. Isn't that crazy? Hmm, lets ask these mutants WTF (what the f@!k) they are thinking... And on the matter of FUS (f@!ked up sh*t) check out this link I came across from the wonderful internets, it's a program from Frontline on PBS that is definitely worth the watch! http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/bushswar/
Makes me want to revert back to my old ways of thinking and dream of living in the trees of jungles far away. Alas, I shall enjoy my American amenities as long as they are available to me. Perhaps in the future I will be able to live off the land or spend my days scuba diving in warm waters, but until that is the case this is what I'll give and this is what you'll get.

this is not the tree i had spoken of

I am in love with nature and tomorrow I am going to have an affair with it. This won't be the first time still I wish it would happen more. Infact, following my quick get away to Santa Cruz and the Redwoods I am going to be in dalliance with Big Sur. For anyone who thinks that heaven does not exist, they have not been to Big Sur. It is the Terrestrial of Terrestrials. It rise to the top (I hope all of my readers know when it is appropriate to bust into rhymin jiven hip hop aliven). Maybe I'll add a lil symbol, like an ampersand before the fact. & Can you dig it? I bet you can & There, I'll add one before and after because I like the looks of em and their name. Speaking of the ampersand, when I do decide on the segment of a poem to tattoo on the back of my head I would like it to contain one. Any suggestions greatly appreciated, except those that say "don't do it". Back to the beauty, I wanted to put up this picture taken in Mt. Shasta, CA the mystical magical home of Lemurians and me?

songs in my head while sitting on MUNI numero 14

Looking Down the Barrel of a Gun by Beastie Boys and Nobody Told Me by John Lennon. The people on the Mission Street bus tonight look very tired. I guess thats Easter Sunday for you. Maybe they were busy dressing up their bonnets, which the city was full of today. I think it's the first time that I haven't worked on this candybasketegg holiday, so I never got to see those weird city people celebrate. Now it's time to carry on my good friend Molly's tradition and watch a little Easter Sunday movie; The Shining.

my san francisco

while thumbing through a magazine at the local mega chain grocery store (see last post, I am such a hypocrite, hey wait this is America and, I'm a Latter Day Saint) I came across this bit about this womans blog who lives in Marrakech, and realized that
a. I need to start doing a shit load more if I'm going to enter this blogging business. not that I haven't done some real neat things in my thirty two years but hey, man I'm trying to live in the now, man.
b. maybe a little punctuation isn't a bad idea.
c. sometimes my posture really sucks.
the latter thought being inconceivable, since I could comfortably rest my chin on the floor in between my leggs until age 14 and then rediscovered yoga at the ripe age 20. which might I add, have failed to make a part of my daily routine for say, some 12 years now. oh ya, living in the now..

i'm drunk

and oh my god, cheese tastes so good. i'm about to slice another. don't be afraid, i rarely go out, but tonight i had a lot of fun. the place is called elbow room and my beautiful friend rahel kept us in spirits by knowing the bartender and asking "is this enough?" aka $10 for three shots and two beers! how does she do it? here's my conversation with some short dude:
hi i'm bandit
band aid?
no bandit, why didn't you come say hi to me?
band aid?
bandit
abandoned? why would i say hi to you, i don't know you
i;m going to eat more cheese. i wihs i had french ffies. why am i writing right now?

wearing a wife beater, drinking red wine

i hope i spill some down the front, it would be so apropos. i am in love with this tree on my little alley that often smells of urine and is sometimes lined with shit. the alley, not the tree. so it has the smallest pink flowers in the middle of green pointy things with white blossoms all about. the trunk and branches are bare except for these beautiful spring bloomers. i'm sure the explanation does this tree about as much justice as we are doing iraq, but until i can figure out how to post pictures this is all you get! text text and more text. i found some great treasures at the thrift stores today and wish the family of six children i was brought up in would have been brought up shopping second hand. i can't believe people still shop at places like bed bath and beyond and the dreadful ikea (recently seen billboard-IKEA HAVE MORE) when a term such as thrift exists.

first and foremost

oh dear. i'm doing it. i have been keeping journals for years and tonight as i wrote in my poets notebook (a gift i can't wait to use up-it is pretty lame, sorry ma) i thought to myself, a. blogging could be read by others b. instead of wasting my time reading blogs of girls lives i wish i had (even lamer than the poets notebook) ie. dooce, mightygirl, and believe it or not, married mormon girls. i can start my own and then when i'm wasting time online late at night, i have no excuse but to write. so alas, the blogs begun. please readers, sing that last line to yourself in a mary poppins tune, just some strokes on the keyboard and the blogs begun... and don't mind all of the grammatical errors. this is internet the most bastardish form of communika.