Occupy America

Is this the midst of a revolution? One that swarms my email each day and I never respond, nor read for that matter. Shit. Am I really this ambivalent? If you get inside your own head that's the end of it. Remember that. One, maybe two word sentences never sold a book. That's a lie, haiku and other words of poetry. One word on one line, no words on no lines they all sounded the same to the tailor on the minefield who could mot hear anymore. Seconds later he felt a bullet whish past him, a tall and slender man.Boy am I stoned. I'm typing out a scene from The Gods Must Be Crazy in my blog. In stead of camping out with some of them.
I MEAN INSTEAD OF FOCUSING ALL MY ENERGY TO BECOME THE BEST OCCUPATIONAL THERAPIST I CAN BE.

Stupid title down below

I didn't even bother to read the post that accompanied the title. I'm too busy being content sitting in my new apartment kitchen enjoying coffee which each sip makes the serrano pepper I ate with my delicious eggs burn baby burn. This is our place, not me moving into his place that was so fancifully decorated it made me cringe. I am now able to buy the perfect table from Goodwill and scrub it clean until the finish comes off. I love thrift stores and think more people should buy from them. Thats all. I think I am going to go lay down and look at the beautiful mans face which whom I will be wed.

does sadness make a better writer?

Because tonight I am feeling unsatisfied with myself. First off, I ate three pieces of fried chicken, what is that all about? Just because you see a movie based in the south does not mean you need to eat the food from it!
I joined a gym the second week of school, which was about 8 months ago. I have been swimming probably 19 times and gone to a few yoga classes. Nice way to spend the $30 a month 'eh? It's always like this with me and maybe humankind too. Not doing the things that are good for you and continuing with the comfort of what you've always known and will probably always be until you decide you've had enough. Which is what I did once.
But wait! Look what I've done! I'm rocking in school~ so far one B the rest A's! I've moved to a different city (I have yet to explore and am longing to do.) And I've fallen in love with a wonderful man, yes internets it is not wise to make decisions while having a psychological meltdown. So stuck I am not. But needing a routine I do in deed!
Maybe it should start with my diet? Some exercise each day? I know. I'll try on my wedding dress, that should open my eyes to the fatness bulging beneath!

two young veterans on the side of Pacific Coast Highway

There was too much traffic so we stopped to go for a swim in the sea that sometimes covers the very road we were driving on. The water was nice, chilled my fingers and toes at first but once I got over the initial numbing I wanted to stay in it forever. I had never been so close to pelicans diving into the sea, clearly my lengthy body which I tried to stay on the surface with was sitting ontop of a feast of fish below.
After a good 20 minutes (why don't we do this more often?) we dry off and get back into the traffic. A couple of young kids were spotted, obviously drunk and having a good time, walking towards the oncoming traffic. Tattoos and toned bodies, shaved heads, tan skin. These were the children that had been to war.
Their 'fuck everything' attitude rang through their comradery even though their ethnicities were worlds apart. Brothers made in lands far away, experiencing things no human should ever see or feel. Maybe because of Hemingway, at one point I thought war would make a person a better writer. Did these boys write?
I know I would. Like now, and my experience from last night which is making me feel like I want to drive away and never come back again. The mind is such a powerful tool and when it goes off on itself I am in trouble. I need to learn how to channel this energy into something bigger than myself because obviously there are much larger things out there. Like war, the ocean, an opening night play about Rachel Corrie (bless her heart) that I had to leave because my mind thought it was too big to be in that intimate theatre in the woods.
So big deal. I write a single paragraph that records my fears of the night. Fears that make me feeling like leaving everything and exisiting in a world with nothing. And I feel like driving, just driving far away. Like he doesn't understand me and maybe I should leave. But I know it was the weed, and making a decision like that after a night like that should be with caution. Beginning again. We always begin again.

in the morning I shall sit in my hammock

And I haven't yet decided if I will wear purple when I am old.

I had one of the best weeks I've had in a long time. You see, when you are a waitress not much is fun. You always work weekends, and when you want to go somewhere you have to get your shifts covered and then you come back and are still a waitress. I am not bashing the food industry at all, I have definitely paid my dues and enjoyed myself the past oh 16 years or so, but just the mere fact of knowing I will never come home smelling of food again brings the swing to my hammock.
So the last week what made it so great? Well I finished my first semester of graduate school and am about to embark on my second today! I enjoyed myself thoroughly and am happy to say that I did not get all of the organizing done that I had planned but rather laid in a creek for hours feeling like a fish!We went camping near Ojai, only 2 hours away from LA and had such an amazing time that we both decided camping trips are mandatory monthly. We're going to have all of the gear in an easy container to go and throw it in the car and take off! That same container will come with us through the Apocalypse I'm sure.
I also took an amazing hike in the park where I am to be wed and can not wait to show the trail to Bahram. 2.9 miles of different floras and faunas which resemble the great state of Utah and other lands I am sure. I am so happy that we chose the park for our wedding because it already has a lot of meaning to us.

And as for the purple? It's one of our wedding colors since it is a Persian wonder color, so perhaps I shall wear it in when I am old. On the trail in the park.

listening to the birds while I revel in near completion

My first semester of graduate school is almost done! I would have been finished by now, but my flash drive got a virus and my entire portfolio I created got jacked up. What else could I do but laugh? Luckily the teacher/IT guy recreated some of it and put it on a cd so I don't have to begin at square one, more like three or four :)
I'm very proud of myself that I stayed in the program, up until week seven I thought of dropping out daily, as I am sure some of these posts have told. But I know I would have been very upset with that choice, half the battle is getting into the program-I'm really on the home stretch now.
Honestly I don't know what I've learned and am anxious for summer to start fieldwork and get hands on experience. School to me seems like it's a total bureaucratic mess of just seeing who can go through the hoops. Well guess what? If the first summer session doesn't loose me, then I for sure am staying. It'll just be another paper that our lovely governor (hopefully will still be Jerry Brown) will have to sign. Arnold Schwarzenegger signed my first,even more proof of the BS one goes through in higher education.
I know I'm pretty hard on myself but do think it would be more beneficial for both my upcoming career and my erudite being if I applied myself better in school. I barely read any texts this semester and have sort of made a decision not to buy the books for the upcoming semester until I see how needed they will be. How's that for starting the semester off on the right foot?
On other aspects of my livelihood, wedding planning is awesome when you have a planner who is German and divine. I couldn't do it if I were to do it alone, I don't see how anyone does! Our location is amazing and a pretty special place for us, as it is at a park right down the street from our home. It's gonna be pretty spectacular and the fun stuff is just beginning! I still need to find my dress, I just can't fork out 5 G on the one I loved, surely there are others out there just as entrancing..

more student jibberish

I'm failing Anatomy. This is not what a bride should be doing. And what can I do about this? Well with four quizes to go and one final, hopefully bring it up to a.... I don't even want to say it. I've never failed a course before and in graduate school? That's even worse! I am talking to my advisor and my teacher this week to see if I am going to be kicked out of the program, worst case scenerio always on my mind ;) Sorry I haven't been keeping my phantom readers up to date. This is what I've been doing, studying(ish as you can tell from Anatomy grade) and hanging with Bahram. I may have found my wedding dress but did not purchase yet as I need to see what I can do about a little weight gain (aka loss). Graduate school has put 7 lbs on me in two months! Outrageous. I have been the same size since I can remember so those extra lbs sure made me feel like a real woman. But back to my sick feeling inside. What am I going to do if kicked out of the program? I'll tell you what- enjoy my life. Because as a student I don't do enough of that. Peace out.

my husband, his cougar

'a good marriage is that in which each appoints the other gaurdian of his solitude' rainer maria rilke

there is no bullshitting anymore

You are in week 6 of graduate school and it is starting to toughen up. But guess what? You can do it kiddo! Just focus and concentrate and get off your damn blog! Ha, just wanted to put the title up because it is the total truth. Aint no BS in the medical field. Damn!