I am seriously fucked up

And by that I mean mentally. Not really though how awful would that be? Do the truly severly fucked up know that they are? A question I will be able to answer following my upcoming internship at the Utah State Hospital, a location I've known about from my childhood because 'thier patients ran the haunted house, aka real crazy people' a rumor believed probably to this day amongst high schoolers in the great state o Utah. But back to business and my being fucked upedness. Dude, my poor husband. I don't know what it is but I thrive on drama. Perhaps I have mentioned this before, or maybe you gathered that from my highly esteemed(joke) previous relationship. I don't know what it is, maybe it comes from growing up in such a large family but I would like to know why I need drama in my life. I don't have it many places so when something comes up that I can make drama out of well watch out! But I have learned to keep it inside, because I know all of this is completely irrational so it leads me to want to bang my head against a wall. I am going to ask for a padded room in my house.Do you think I am kidding? Well tonights little stint began with a phone call from my step daughter who i staying in Iran and was my only source of drama to begin with. I was raging inside that I couldn't talk to her on the phone, although I know she didn't want to talk to me anyway, I kept obsessing over how their life was before I came into it and how spoiled she is and everything else under the sun. Simply ridiculous. And here is the topper, I get pissed that he is so nice to her! WTF Shannon would you not want a father to be nice to his daughter?! We talked to my shrink the other night and she told me I didn't have any right to mention money regarding his daughter. I don't know how I feel about that yet. Perhaps that is still swelling in me. I don't know but I'm spinning inside and wish I could undo what I have acted like tonight. I'm just glad I have learned to keep it all in, under the radar only to explode on internets for millions and no ones all at the same time. Good night