Isn't it the best to be woken up happy by spectacular dreams?

An old church going friend, Wendi Peterson, and I are sitting at a cafe in SF talking when in walks Hillary Clinton and her husband (but it's not Bill, it's some famous, balding and fit movie actor who I can't place quite yet). They have a seat at our table and the husband introduces himself and his wife, like we wouldn't know who they were. We start chatting, me mostly with the man. He asks if I'd like to get together and talk more later since he was sort of in a rush. Sure, sure. As Wendi is talking to Hillary, she asks 'why do your haircuts always look so bad?' Which Hillary seemed a bit shocked at but not offended, and I offer in that I have the best stylist in the city. She agrees to see him, but has to leave in an hour and a half, but Jon's cuts take an hour I tell her. We plan to schedule next time. I call Jon all ecstatic and ask if he would be willing to do Hillary on a minutes notice, because she is an awfully busy woman. He agrees. And then I message him on facebook and link this entry for him to read.

revelations, realizations..

Yesterday was the one year anniversary of my dear grandmothers death. I wonder if my cousin who missed her funeral cause her dog was sick thought of her. I no longer wonder why I don't communicate much with my extended family. It was also the anniversary of Glo's mothers death, which is kind of serendipitous I do believe. So we went to church. Aka synagogue, an experience I'd never had in my thirty three years, so I decided to go and try something new. Glad I did, cause now I know I don't. The services were quite lovely with all the singing in Hebrew and the temple is quite beautiful. But when the young Rabbi blessed the sick and then asked the congregation to say names he may have forgotten when his hand passed over them, well, that was it. Here is this man, balding, over weight, draped in wrinkled silk standing far above us with a hand outstretched slowly passing over the people seated below. I did not like the image this portrayed. Why must the people sit and worship in stone cold beautiful buildings when there are things as magnificent as trees close by? And how could a man, no less, create these trees and shores and earth and light? It just doesn't add up. Can one believe in God and evolution too? Cause my long lost cousin Ardi sure wants to get together for some good old fashioned girl time. Boy do we have a lot to talk about. And I'm sorry Mary, you are not invited.

back from the scent of the Earth, into the scent of the Sea

And I can't decide which one I like better. A tough choice when the scent of the sea is intertwined with earthly smells too. But the smells on a small biodynamic family farm are different than those on the overly producing sorts. You know, the kinds where the animals live, eat, bathe, slaughter in their own shit. The farms that shouldn't even be called farms where most people eat from, even those uber conscious ones like meself.
But yesterday, I harvested veggies, hung around animals, and stargazed wishing my habits will be more open to establishing better eating styles before I become two then three and four.

Can barely wait

For a few things..
In a few hours I will be leaving these scummy city streets headed up North to a farm. Yes a real farm, with goats and sheep that have been sheared and billows of straw and stars oh the stars. And get this, tomorrow morning is harvest day. I will be putting my hands in the dirt, plucking fresh food from the earth. Rising early and working hard, just like the way it should be done. I am going to post pictures here, on my beloved and probably on the bastard son too.
Next? The Pixies are doing a reunion tour and I was lucky enough to get a general admission ticket. And why is this concert going to be so spectacular? They are playing Doolittle in it's entirety! If only they would throw in Come On Pilgrim along with it. Never satisfied American am I.

famous eleven last words

If I hadn't been raised a Daughter Of God, I may be able to write those words down here. But since I stand for truth and righteousness, and they all contain profanities, I am choosing not to publish them. Besides, the only reason I'm posting something is that I feel pressured since I link this blog on my facebook account. Is that a sign FB is overpowering the freaktothefunk?
How could that be? Stand tall steady typing finger, free flowing words, and raunchy English. This is fancy ham.

Happy Birthday Fran

I wish this wouldn't be happening but it is. I am posting more on facebook than here on my beloved. Perhaps I'll reserve this space for the lengthy paragraphs and leave the bastard network for one armed sentences.
Big day for me yesterday and I'll tell you all about it now. Remember the relationship I left last November and then had to return to (forget the numerous times in the past) to help him mend his stab wounds in January? Ya the relationship I wrote about in the past, the one that started off as an infidel and dragged on a mere six years. Well I'm out of there again, once and for all. You mark my words dear dead grandma on the day of your birth, I shall never get involved with that glorious human being again.
I got me a room in a house that is undergoing remodeling, it's a great tiny space with a huge window that I can watch the clouds and fog race by. And for my window shade there is a surprisingly looking healthy city tree that covers just enough so I can be naked while the laptop warms the breasts.

since I'm in therapy and all

Due to my current relationship situation I asked my father if he ever regretted being so cordial with his x wife, my mother, enabling him to meet other females and basically get on with his life. His answer somewhat shocked me in it's utmost honest and simplicity "I never think about that, that was years ago." Is this what happens when you've reached the golden years? Never to think about the past, sounds good to me!!

doc says

I should focus on the goal of graduate school. What else am I going to do, get another waitress job (for which I have an interview today)? It's great advice really, and oh so true seeing as how I have a terrible habit of going all over the place and never coming back again. So from now on I shall focus on graduate school, aint no thing but to do it. Knuckle down buckle down do it do it do it, right Roger Miller?

Must remember..

Stay out of ones head. There are so many other things going on around you, like, hello your mother got her doctorate today! That is huge, HUGE!! Congrats Ma and may all my useless depressive episodes be put to rest. Did you ever wear braces mother?

the inspiration, it flows like the water defrosting my pork chop

I don't know if it's because of the two I am loved comments, or the amount of fresh air I've been hiking through but dammit this day has been good! First off, can I tell you how cute my dog is? She is sprawled out once again and you can see every ripple in her body. I want to go buy her a girlie collar with my last twenty dollars. Now that is love. Secondly, it feels good to get jobs and even better to maybe get even better jobs. Let's keep our fingers crossed for a beautiful restaurant with an open air feel to it. And even more hopeful is a new place I may have found to live. And lastly, the idea to do my own care giving gig. I want to get magnets that read Shannons Senior Services yada yada and attach them to my truck. I know I would do well in Marin, but I've got to take the first steps. Business cards with my face on them soon to come. I got the catchy slogan already, for those in need count on me indeed. Imagine internet scammers take it right away from me. Better act fast!! So much going on yet so single it's sad.

only Gloria says it aloud

As a woman enters the elevator in her apartment complex she is very friendly, introducing herself to the new tenant all smiles and how do you dos. Right as the woman steps out of the shaft, she turns to me with her hand up to her mouth and proclaims 'fuck em all!'

Hello nothing and Everything!

And why do I like living in America so much? Because when I want an apple in the middle of the night I can get one. I can walk in the darkest of nights on a tree lined street, in a very safe neighborhood to the 7-11 where the Indian with the thing on his head scans the barcode for Red Delicious. And I notice the stars, of course, and the moon. The moon. Almost as great as the sunset tonight scarcely opening through quickly moving clouds to let the pink hues through before the blanket of fog settled in. And did you get what you wanted from this life, even so? I did. And what did you want? To realize that I do not want to be in school right now (or never), that life is short and I need time to heal from all of the mental shit I have been putting myself through for the last oh 20 years or so. Damn I really lay it out on this blog. Too bad none of my old friends read it and call to see how I'm doing. Gotta love those Mormon guilts! Thank you Raymond Carver for the lines to your poem.

i mean, could you give this up?

Even though I've half way abandoned her, she still treats me like a queen. And I love the way she stretches out like a snake on the bed.

yes! look at the time (and the date)

I want to take a bath but am too cold to move. I saw the smallest fawn I've ever seen crossing the road tonight near my house, and when I tried to pull in my driveway there were two more young ones looking in my headlights just like a deer. Bring my nieces and nephews to me sisters. This place is amazing.

During a really bad movie aka Matthew Mcwhatever chick flick

Gloria: Do you like this? (said multiple times)
Me: No, do you want to leave?
Gloria: This is an insult. It's a total asshole. We are too smart to be sitting here watching this.
Take in mind that Gloria's voice travels and while the people who are enjoying this movie are trying to shush us, she is still going off about the stupidity of the people in the theatre.
And why did we attempt to see it? There were no seats left for Earth and it was the only other thing playing.

Proof that I am the best room mate

Here's a photo taken by my x roomie of the note I left on my departure.

Borrowed from another blog

This was in the Onion. I think I am going to start to read it.

Members Of Twisted Sister Now Willing To Take IT

NEW YORK—In a stunning reversal of their long-stated reluctance to take it, members of heavy-metal band Twisted Sister announced Monday that, after 24 years of fervent refusal, they are now willing to take it. "I acknowledge that we promised not to take it anymore, but things change. The world is a different place today, and with that in mind, we would like to go on record as saying that, starting right now, we are going to take it," read a statement released by the band's lead singer, Dee Snider. "To clarify, we would still prefer not to take it, but as of now, taking it is an option that we would be open to. That is all." Bassist Mark "the Animal" Mendoza also stated that, in regards to what he wants to do with his life, he no longer solely wants to rock, but would instead prefer doing other things, such as raising a family and working as a claims adjuster in Rye, NY.

Nobody knows the trouble I'm in

And nobody reads my blog. Kept to the same tune of course. You know, replacing Jesus with blogs. And speaking of the almighty, I'm thinking about joining me a Sunday school (and Wednesdays too). It's called A New Thing and the title is taken from some scripture that starts, Behold I am doing a new thing. I quite like that, so that is where the interest started. But on further retrospection spirituality is something that is lacking in my life and why not examine the megatropolis of Christianity starting with a class solely because I liked the poster. Seems very fancyesque, don't cha think?

a very funny thing

I'm walking home from work and hear a car honking. A girl walks by with her dog and said 'a dog is in that car honking'. The dog is a white boxer sitting in the driver seat with one paw stretched out touching the steering wheel. Seriously. I am cracking up, taking a bad photo with my cell phone while the dog is looking at me, expressionless, continually honking. I love Frida so much.

While Schwarzenegger is on t.v

Fancy: I'm so embarrassed that he is our governor.
Gloria: Why, because he's black?

So happy to be an impudent American

Last night I'm driving my friend and her mother, a beautiful and soft spoken 63 year old Korean, to a massive Korean grocery store south of the city. To do this, I must take the freeway and as I am about to miss the exit I express my frustrations in the form of a profanity. In other words, I said shit. My friend, who is sitting in the front seat, hits me and says we don't talk like that in front of my mother. So the driver, who is at the time crossing over traffic lines in order to stay on the right freeway gets a little upset by the fact that I am being hit by my passenger and being told what to say and not to say in my car as I am doing a favor for the detainees. I express my frustration for being hit by repeating the aforementioned profanity another time only to be hit again. Now, I understand the whole respect for elders thing immensely, in fact it is often what I mentioned to my latino lover about holding respect for elders above others my own age aka jealous Mexicans. But when it comes down to fearing what ones own parent would think about their chosen friends foul mouth during a stressful situation and reacting in a manner that I find truly ridiculous then that is what makes me so thankful to be raised American and be able to sit with old and young and be myself.

the sun.

I don't really know why I am posting right now except to waste time and tell the web of the beautiful sunrise I saw, and the amazing set that is surely to come tonight. This morning, while Frida violently chewed her ocean sticks, I turned my back to the sea and watched the day begin above Golden Gate trees. The sun spread its magnificent pink streams and the seafoam behind me lured my view away for a few moments, leaving the blue that is sky when I turned back around. When I work at Gloria's, whose apartment is on the 12th floor facing west, my favorite time to arrive at her home is at 6ish pmish. The colors bounce off her yellow walls and beckon me to the beautiful choral chords of angels singing straight to me. Beam me up scotty! And let me never repeat that line again.

'Why are you giving up your life for this?'

That's a good question, Gloria. Why would I, a beautiful woman in perfectly capable health, give up one dysfunctional relationship for another cognitively dysfunctional one? And even more so, why would I go from one non brain using career to another one? I think it's time for a beer and a bath (in the deepest tub you can imagine) with the most awesomest smelling soap from Lush (possible future employer again).

Smoke stink, acrobats, and spiders oh my!

I'm back on Post Street for all my phantom readers who have mysteriously visited me in the past. I am two blocks away from my very first SF apartment but will not stay here for long. It does feel nice to have a place to call home though. If only I hadn't woken up with 10 spider bites after the first night of sleeping here. The dishes seldom get done, which means I carry my own cup in and out of my bedroom, and shoes must be worn at all times because of the ripped up carpet nails etc. I am too old to live in a place like this and soon all my clothes will smell of smoke (YUCK). The positives? There is a huge courtyard in the middle of the building full of plants, mostly succulents, and a crooked city tree whose trunk is black from the nearby road. It is a wonderful place for my morning cup of joe. Also, one of the roomies is involved in gymnastics and the circus school and it has totally inspired me to get busy being physical. Screw the idea of finding a lover, it's time to work on the self.

Short lived

Just canceled Netflix. Call me old fashioned, I like walking to the independent video store, smelling the old VHS and seeing the neon PORN SECTION sign. Also, the shiny white and red envelopes would have nowhere to go as I am homeless again. In this dark rainy weather what could be better? Don't worry, I have couches with my name on them!

2 amazing things

One, Hebrew is beautiful. And so are horoscopes. So another incredibly accurate horoscope happened upon me today. Here goes; Life has suddenly gotten complicated. Someone exciting, dynamic and sexy as all get-out beckons-just out of reach. At the same time, another someone wants to control you. No one, but no one, tells you what to do. Or do they? And we haven't even begun to address what's happening in your money house!
This is the second week in a row that the stars have definitely been in alignment para mi. It's a bit eerie really, but since both weeks have been damn good I had better get busy living eh?
The second amazing aka beautiful thing is this movie I just watched. My lord how intense the cinema can be. Words can't explain the way you feel while sitting and watching this animated documentary that is up for an (oh no) Oscar. If it's playing, phantom readers, go see Waltz With Bashir.

so much to say, lets stick with food

Since my borrowed internets connection is going to fail at any minute I'll sum it up with another bit about food. For those of you who have not tried the cookies I suggested months ago, shame on you. Now order this! It's the best cinnamon bread you will ever taste. Toast it, let it sit in the toaster for 5 minutes after it's done and then enjoy. Seriously. And the best news? Greenlees, the family owned bakery, is in the same town of my graduate school. Hello thundah thighs.

guess who I want to be my new best friend?

SWEET POTATOES!

Oh dear! Just joined Netflix

A lot of stuff has been going on in this fancy ham's life and often videos are the perfect companion. Speaking of, after 17 long months of unemployment I am officially back in the working world, being a companion. Her name is Gloria, her apartment is decorated as yellow as can be and her view is fantastic. She suffers from Alzheimer's and needs a lady friend to go out to lunch and gossip with. It will be both interesting and stressful and perhaps at times dangerous, but I know how to keep the cool with old Jews that are losing their minds! The work is in my field of the aged and although the pay is shit it gets my foot in the door, and a chance to try every restaurant I've ever wanted to in the glorious gastronomical city of SF!

a horoscope

this is mine for the week. I want to marry it.
The good news: you're doing the right thing and headed in the right direction. The bad news: you may not be able to calm your wrecked nerves and overactive mind! Capricorns are said to be patient, but not necessarily with things related to them.

so glad to be back in the city

"BE CAREFUL there's a clothes hanger over there" is what a lady in the street said to me this morning.

2009. Just turned 33.

In six years I will be 39. Can't wait.