Occupy America

Is this the midst of a revolution? One that swarms my email each day and I never respond, nor read for that matter. Shit. Am I really this ambivalent? If you get inside your own head that's the end of it. Remember that. One, maybe two word sentences never sold a book. That's a lie, haiku and other words of poetry. One word on one line, no words on no lines they all sounded the same to the tailor on the minefield who could mot hear anymore. Seconds later he felt a bullet whish past him, a tall and slender man.Boy am I stoned. I'm typing out a scene from The Gods Must Be Crazy in my blog. In stead of camping out with some of them.
I MEAN INSTEAD OF FOCUSING ALL MY ENERGY TO BECOME THE BEST OCCUPATIONAL THERAPIST I CAN BE.

Stupid title down below

I didn't even bother to read the post that accompanied the title. I'm too busy being content sitting in my new apartment kitchen enjoying coffee which each sip makes the serrano pepper I ate with my delicious eggs burn baby burn. This is our place, not me moving into his place that was so fancifully decorated it made me cringe. I am now able to buy the perfect table from Goodwill and scrub it clean until the finish comes off. I love thrift stores and think more people should buy from them. Thats all. I think I am going to go lay down and look at the beautiful mans face which whom I will be wed.

does sadness make a better writer?

Because tonight I am feeling unsatisfied with myself. First off, I ate three pieces of fried chicken, what is that all about? Just because you see a movie based in the south does not mean you need to eat the food from it!
I joined a gym the second week of school, which was about 8 months ago. I have been swimming probably 19 times and gone to a few yoga classes. Nice way to spend the $30 a month 'eh? It's always like this with me and maybe humankind too. Not doing the things that are good for you and continuing with the comfort of what you've always known and will probably always be until you decide you've had enough. Which is what I did once.
But wait! Look what I've done! I'm rocking in school~ so far one B the rest A's! I've moved to a different city (I have yet to explore and am longing to do.) And I've fallen in love with a wonderful man, yes internets it is not wise to make decisions while having a psychological meltdown. So stuck I am not. But needing a routine I do in deed!
Maybe it should start with my diet? Some exercise each day? I know. I'll try on my wedding dress, that should open my eyes to the fatness bulging beneath!

two young veterans on the side of Pacific Coast Highway

There was too much traffic so we stopped to go for a swim in the sea that sometimes covers the very road we were driving on. The water was nice, chilled my fingers and toes at first but once I got over the initial numbing I wanted to stay in it forever. I had never been so close to pelicans diving into the sea, clearly my lengthy body which I tried to stay on the surface with was sitting ontop of a feast of fish below.
After a good 20 minutes (why don't we do this more often?) we dry off and get back into the traffic. A couple of young kids were spotted, obviously drunk and having a good time, walking towards the oncoming traffic. Tattoos and toned bodies, shaved heads, tan skin. These were the children that had been to war.
Their 'fuck everything' attitude rang through their comradery even though their ethnicities were worlds apart. Brothers made in lands far away, experiencing things no human should ever see or feel. Maybe because of Hemingway, at one point I thought war would make a person a better writer. Did these boys write?
I know I would. Like now, and my experience from last night which is making me feel like I want to drive away and never come back again. The mind is such a powerful tool and when it goes off on itself I am in trouble. I need to learn how to channel this energy into something bigger than myself because obviously there are much larger things out there. Like war, the ocean, an opening night play about Rachel Corrie (bless her heart) that I had to leave because my mind thought it was too big to be in that intimate theatre in the woods.
So big deal. I write a single paragraph that records my fears of the night. Fears that make me feeling like leaving everything and exisiting in a world with nothing. And I feel like driving, just driving far away. Like he doesn't understand me and maybe I should leave. But I know it was the weed, and making a decision like that after a night like that should be with caution. Beginning again. We always begin again.

in the morning I shall sit in my hammock

And I haven't yet decided if I will wear purple when I am old.

I had one of the best weeks I've had in a long time. You see, when you are a waitress not much is fun. You always work weekends, and when you want to go somewhere you have to get your shifts covered and then you come back and are still a waitress. I am not bashing the food industry at all, I have definitely paid my dues and enjoyed myself the past oh 16 years or so, but just the mere fact of knowing I will never come home smelling of food again brings the swing to my hammock.
So the last week what made it so great? Well I finished my first semester of graduate school and am about to embark on my second today! I enjoyed myself thoroughly and am happy to say that I did not get all of the organizing done that I had planned but rather laid in a creek for hours feeling like a fish!We went camping near Ojai, only 2 hours away from LA and had such an amazing time that we both decided camping trips are mandatory monthly. We're going to have all of the gear in an easy container to go and throw it in the car and take off! That same container will come with us through the Apocalypse I'm sure.
I also took an amazing hike in the park where I am to be wed and can not wait to show the trail to Bahram. 2.9 miles of different floras and faunas which resemble the great state of Utah and other lands I am sure. I am so happy that we chose the park for our wedding because it already has a lot of meaning to us.

And as for the purple? It's one of our wedding colors since it is a Persian wonder color, so perhaps I shall wear it in when I am old. On the trail in the park.

listening to the birds while I revel in near completion

My first semester of graduate school is almost done! I would have been finished by now, but my flash drive got a virus and my entire portfolio I created got jacked up. What else could I do but laugh? Luckily the teacher/IT guy recreated some of it and put it on a cd so I don't have to begin at square one, more like three or four :)
I'm very proud of myself that I stayed in the program, up until week seven I thought of dropping out daily, as I am sure some of these posts have told. But I know I would have been very upset with that choice, half the battle is getting into the program-I'm really on the home stretch now.
Honestly I don't know what I've learned and am anxious for summer to start fieldwork and get hands on experience. School to me seems like it's a total bureaucratic mess of just seeing who can go through the hoops. Well guess what? If the first summer session doesn't loose me, then I for sure am staying. It'll just be another paper that our lovely governor (hopefully will still be Jerry Brown) will have to sign. Arnold Schwarzenegger signed my first,even more proof of the BS one goes through in higher education.
I know I'm pretty hard on myself but do think it would be more beneficial for both my upcoming career and my erudite being if I applied myself better in school. I barely read any texts this semester and have sort of made a decision not to buy the books for the upcoming semester until I see how needed they will be. How's that for starting the semester off on the right foot?
On other aspects of my livelihood, wedding planning is awesome when you have a planner who is German and divine. I couldn't do it if I were to do it alone, I don't see how anyone does! Our location is amazing and a pretty special place for us, as it is at a park right down the street from our home. It's gonna be pretty spectacular and the fun stuff is just beginning! I still need to find my dress, I just can't fork out 5 G on the one I loved, surely there are others out there just as entrancing..

more student jibberish

I'm failing Anatomy. This is not what a bride should be doing. And what can I do about this? Well with four quizes to go and one final, hopefully bring it up to a.... I don't even want to say it. I've never failed a course before and in graduate school? That's even worse! I am talking to my advisor and my teacher this week to see if I am going to be kicked out of the program, worst case scenerio always on my mind ;) Sorry I haven't been keeping my phantom readers up to date. This is what I've been doing, studying(ish as you can tell from Anatomy grade) and hanging with Bahram. I may have found my wedding dress but did not purchase yet as I need to see what I can do about a little weight gain (aka loss). Graduate school has put 7 lbs on me in two months! Outrageous. I have been the same size since I can remember so those extra lbs sure made me feel like a real woman. But back to my sick feeling inside. What am I going to do if kicked out of the program? I'll tell you what- enjoy my life. Because as a student I don't do enough of that. Peace out.

my husband, his cougar

'a good marriage is that in which each appoints the other gaurdian of his solitude' rainer maria rilke

there is no bullshitting anymore

You are in week 6 of graduate school and it is starting to toughen up. But guess what? You can do it kiddo! Just focus and concentrate and get off your damn blog! Ha, just wanted to put the title up because it is the total truth. Aint no BS in the medical field. Damn!

seriously Shannon seriously

You have been at Bahrams house all weekend, with all of your books in tow and a great little study area set up by your love and what have you done? Here is a another question in case you can't answer the first one. What are your scores on your anatomy quizes thus far? And when are midterms? Shit Shannon you gotta get with the program dude. Seriously this is an impacted graduate level program and the only thing you've impacted is your heart with love. I guess that's a start? Now start on what is necessary.. Learn those muscles!

wish I would have let it go to voicemail

So then I could listen to it over and over again.
Dad 'I'm always happy but today I feel extra happy and that's because you are so happy, so thank you for the added happiness'
Me 'Actually dad I'm miserable'

I'm mad at myself

I am learning how to be an Occupational Therapist but I hardly read my books. Still BSing my way through college, so what am I really learning anyway? This is stupid and it must change. From now on my To Do Lists end with 'reward myself by seeing Bahram'. If I haven't gotten it done, he is not to be seen. Period. You hear that stubborn Shannon? Make a difference in your life. You're paying for it after all(both literally and figuratively). And this stuff is pretty applicable to daily life, should be interesting. You got the ring and as new as the relationship is, it is stable and you feel good about all things. Now is the time for school. 4 weeks in girl, don't mess it up. Period.

Introductions and Exams

I can't believe I am writing here when I have an exam at 10 in the morning. Ugh. Gotta go. But wanted to say oh hey! Going to SLC this weekend to introduce him to the fam. He's funny too. I told him I wanted him to dress nice for our dinner I've arranged at a fine dining establishment in Park City that I crave like no other and he told me he had a nice pink shirt and pink tie. I'm thinking, cool Starr's husband loves pink and I can totally dig that. Then he said he had a yellow suit to go with it. I am so in love with him that I can't stand it. Like I can study. Want to hear more? Ha ha ha. Two months and engaged. Who would have thought? The grin on my face is all telling. He is going to buy me a house and a farm. It just keeps getting better. Hopefully this is no joke. If it were, I'd take that ring and pay off my car and my student loans. Is that kosher? Judge Judy what would you say??

Got it.

And it is making a disco ball on my wall from the sun. Holy Shit. It is a damn good thing to be in love.

Is this really happening?

So, where should I begin? How we met? Roger Waters concert Dec 5, 2010. He came up to me after seeing me walk down the stairs in the sold out arena. I kept his number, even though the line he advanced with was quite bad, he's foreign, but I thought it would be nice to have a date when I get back to LA. So I move here on Jan 12 ish. We go out one night before school started, I find him interesting. He is a mad environmentalist and has passion for politics and poetry. I am still trying to figure out if he is hot and want to see him again. We go out during the first week of school. I'm really impressed this time with the conversation. I bust a move in his car when he drops me home. He asked me out to go to a super shissy restaurant in Beverly Hills for the weekend. I decline because I am going through the normal Shannon Bullshit about not being able to do school and why should I reward myself with fine dinner?
We got out to Mastro's the following weekend. He says he waited 10 days for that, he actually counted from the last time I saw him. Scotch's on the menu cost $30, I'm wondering if it is for a whole bottle. The piano man, who has been playing there 40 years and knows over 400 songs sings 'Have I told you lately that I love you' upon our entrance, he tells me that is his song. Hilarius. Dinner was good, the waitress was super cute and I can't wait to go back and ask her a few questions about my new man.. waitress' know a lot.

Rewind to today. I am completely in love with him and he feels exactly the same. I can't even begin to write here of all of the amazing things he does for me. A few examples? Brings me fresh citrus in the morning from during his LA freeway commute, set up plates of fruit and almonds (decided they would be better roasted, so roasted them) around me while I tried to study at his beautiful home.He wnats to own some land with chickens, lamas and goats, hates plastic, has no microwave and cooks amazing food. He shucked me a dozen oysters, his best friend and him only ate three of them! I am so having oysters at my wedding.
We've talked about marriage, I feel the weight of a ring on my finger.It's crazy. He wants me to move in and I told him not until we are married. Best part, no sex yet. He even said he could wait until our wedding night. I want to hold him to that. It just feels right so I am pretty sure we are going to rush in.. I want a ring and then I'll move in, wedding after school is finished.
He is so kind and smart too.He's an engineer who owns his owns a small company, a demolitian man who is so fucking sexy in his work boots and cowboy hat. I wish I could write about all of the details of amazing things that have happened, like when I woke up from being passed out at his house, notice a glass of water on the night stand and walk into his kitchen to hear him singing very loudly the line of Rumi in Farsi. That is the instant we fell in love. Him, because I said I didn't want to disturb his poetry and me because he said I was the climax of it.
I can't believe I found my husband and just knew it. You hear stories of this happening, btu never think it would or wonder if it will work. Whatever, I am going with it. I have nothing to loose to a Persian warrior who I am hopefully bringing to meet my family next weekend. Wow. I really want that ring.

I'm in love

That's all.

fancy is as fancy does

And here I am in all my glory. I've started this post 19 times and yet again do not feel like writing all my innards out. Because they suck. I wait and wait and think when will I change and become motivated to study and not think about random men I just met with beautiful curly hairs and Mercedes Benz's.
I started graduate school last week and had a huge meltdown, going to get back on some anti d's because my thinking is so distorted. My classes seem ok, nothing has really grabbed me as totally interesting yet, but it is applicable to daily life so that is good.
But basically I am the same old me. I haven't started to exercise, eat right, study or blah blah blah. Time will only tell.

It has arrived, year thirty five!

I think I have too much going on right now to have a birthday today. I am throwing a going away/bday party tonight so perhaps afterwards it may seem more real that I am officially closer to forty. But you know me, age I do seek! Can't wait for those scotch's on the porch at age 79.
My life as I know it is about to change. And I am so excited about that. Sorry people if you don't hear from me often, maybe that will bring more phantom readers to my bloggg.

It's 2011. I have a sore throat.

And I did a good deed. After working 11 hours today I wanted to go see Casey, a beloved beloved, at his club to ring in the new year. One scotch and about 15 minutes later, I decide it would be better for my feet to enjoy a bottle of champagne with my depressed friend Megan who is often bedbound. Depression is a weird thing and I think I can speak candidly about it since I have been down that road and this blog can surely attest to that. I even did my stint at a mental hospital. That's right, I wanted to walk in front of a bus at one time. But then I realized that I would miss the sky too much or the smell of a flower. This is not even where I wanted to be going with this post in the first place.
It's NYE aka NYD for christs sake!! This year is sure to bring change. And I sure hope my throat does not bring strep to ring it in! Good night 2010, you didn't turn out to be so bad afterall.