I am seriously fucked up

And by that I mean mentally. Not really though how awful would that be? Do the truly severly fucked up know that they are? A question I will be able to answer following my upcoming internship at the Utah State Hospital, a location I've known about from my childhood because 'thier patients ran the haunted house, aka real crazy people' a rumor believed probably to this day amongst high schoolers in the great state o Utah. But back to business and my being fucked upedness. Dude, my poor husband. I don't know what it is but I thrive on drama. Perhaps I have mentioned this before, or maybe you gathered that from my highly esteemed(joke) previous relationship. I don't know what it is, maybe it comes from growing up in such a large family but I would like to know why I need drama in my life. I don't have it many places so when something comes up that I can make drama out of well watch out! But I have learned to keep it inside, because I know all of this is completely irrational so it leads me to want to bang my head against a wall. I am going to ask for a padded room in my house.Do you think I am kidding? Well tonights little stint began with a phone call from my step daughter who i staying in Iran and was my only source of drama to begin with. I was raging inside that I couldn't talk to her on the phone, although I know she didn't want to talk to me anyway, I kept obsessing over how their life was before I came into it and how spoiled she is and everything else under the sun. Simply ridiculous. And here is the topper, I get pissed that he is so nice to her! WTF Shannon would you not want a father to be nice to his daughter?! We talked to my shrink the other night and she told me I didn't have any right to mention money regarding his daughter. I don't know how I feel about that yet. Perhaps that is still swelling in me. I don't know but I'm spinning inside and wish I could undo what I have acted like tonight. I'm just glad I have learned to keep it all in, under the radar only to explode on internets for millions and no ones all at the same time. Good night

Gasland

How odd is it that these past two posts have the word gas in them? And how great is it that I am on here writing again, although I have to say, the notion of being tracked everywhere I go on the web is a scary thing. Even scarier that I carry it in my pocket. This begins the weaning myself off technology project. Not to say that it's a hurtful thing, it's great and will always be a part of my life and I am so glad the world is at my fingertips at any moment in any place, but there does have to be a limit on things. I'd like to unplug for x amount of hours a day. I know with my final day yes that is FINAL DAY of graduate school qucikly apporaching (aka TOMORROW!) see posts circa January 2010..it will be less tempting to be online 99 hours a day. I want a hobby. I want to learn to sew. Now what is with the reference to gas in two precious titles of my posts? Well, this here is a documentary I just watched and I wouldn't mind it if the whole world watched it. Seeing movies like this totally make me want to be more social and tell others, but usually when i talk to people I have a hard time explaining myself. This must end as I am in a career that will encounter all walks of life. I think a public speaking class would help, ha ha ha I just spent thousands upon thousands and my whole graduate school atmosphere was about presentations both in and out of groups and here I am, not even one day out of the program talking about public speaking courses? I do believe I am crazy.I should recommend the movie to the cohort facebook page but I doubt anyone would watch it. Never hurts though. Here I will try to describe the film hereas it is keeping me up so late. Basically natural gas is a terribly evasive chemical that they extract deep out of the ground People have to start standing up to the corporate giants that are taking over America. I guess I should say, have taken over America. There is so much in my mind right now that I feel like blowing up. I know I am so capable of doing great things and there is certainly no time to be idle. Boy do I have the right partner for me.