Rabii

I lived as Mallock for 36 years it seems weird to just dump it do easily. But I never did like the perfect alignment of seven first name letters and seven last name letters. Getting rid of two and adding a double vowel at the end leaves much room for this new beginning. And it does feel like one. I didn't think it would since we fornicated a year and a half before making our love governmentally legitimate but something has changed and I(I'm positive he does too)feel pretty excited about it. Most of the flowers survived the road trip and Las Vegas stop over and are now filling our home with the fragrance of Casablanca Lilies and Gardenias. The beauty that sings summer. The bouquet of 48(!)red roses is hung from the dining room fan to dry by the hemp rope that was tied in a bow wrapped around the white silk and lace which is where I held so tightly. The location I chose couldn't have been more perfect, the weather anymore astounding (I did not even notice it I was in a blur!), the officiant whose poetic words joined our love officially has been complimented by many attendees, the simpleness of it, the relaxed aura around me, the photographer that I didn't even notice who kept shooting away, and the red socked purple shoed groom who didn't take his eyes off the aisle for a second so that he could see his soulmate the one who's dress had hung in the closet for a year and he never even peeked walk through the trees and flash a rock on sign while her father looked so handsome in his red socks a gift from his daughter the bride which is me. He said it was the most expensive socks he had ever worn in his life, an $18 item for a man of 77 years. And now I (we) feel different. It is a new beginning a new union of possibilities. I can only imagine the way a virgin would feel the day of their weddding. My body is overwhelmed with happiness and my mind elated in knowing that this man will be by my side through thickness and thin of belly rolls and fruit leather made from fruits picked off Utah trees. And he said he doesn't want me to come to him announcing a pregnancy right away, which I agree with as we have the world to visit, the bankers to concur, a society to fix. But knowing that one day in the near future a child will have his square chin and hopefully dark features leaves me feeling ready.

And yes. Funktify is back :)

So come on you 30 some odd random followers that appeared circa 2009 to hear all about the ending of my beginning. This isnt going to be dramatic stuff, I'm living life and everythings all right living living living life.. Right Daniel Johnson? Of which the devil and you was a very good movie! I don't want to ramble and input song or movie quotes because that style can get a reader confused. So I shall happily write my beautiful thoughts mainly from this tiny white screen that clicks when it types. So excited to be replacing my morning bullshit Facebook search with blogposting instead. Olay!

Two posts in a row? Must be on a roll!

Keep it up keep it up let the wordiness flow! This morning I sit with coffee on cute porch made out of bricks. Our apartment is cute and soon to be destroyed. It's sad really, because this is such a community and the building that they are going to put up in its place will not have a gathering space such as this. But thats what they want. They, the people with the plan, don't want togetherness, exchange of ideas, an informed public. They'd rather us commute in our lonely cars, driving from one mall to the next, stopping at fast food chain, stuffing our heavily oiled faces then go back to work to pay for our debts.
Not me. I am going to have a farm. But first, I will go to yoga.

That lump in your throat that needs to spill your heart out and then you sit down and write. Finally.

There is so much pressure right now, as my fiancee so thoughtfully points out, people are at a breaking point. I sometimes wonder if the conspiracy-type stuff he listens to on the internet is true. Could people really be so evil? Could the government really want to control us that much? Are there really signs of prescription drugs in our water? And how could those people in the laboratories create such an evil thing to make helpless people addicted to it?
Question after question and then you become saddened and then it's replaced with anger. The wondering of what you can do to help. The inability to even say what is on your mind. The letter you should have written a week ago. Your heart spilled out on paper, the lump in my throat returns. The man I am going to marry is perhaps the best person in the world. How could he have remained single for so long?
I have so much that needs to come out right now but it can't. The saddest thing for me when I was getting out of my abusive relationship was the thought that so many other people are in situations similar, or way worse than mine. And this is worse. Because children are involved. All we can do is move forward.

Posting again? Hopefully!

I wrote this for my friends blog and decided to post it here as well.. Maybe funktify is back? Doubt it..

What makes me happy?
Where should I begin? Blueberries, figs, cherries, persimmons..every fruit really. The sky, both stormy and blue and when its filled with stars too. Flowers and plants. The story of meeting my love. Calling my parents. Seeing old friends. Natural hot springs and the cold plunge that fills your internal organs with life revived! The smell of the forest. Informing myself. Scuba diving. Supporting small businesses. Birds that sing at night. Remembering the funny things I did in my youth. Fresh herbs. Writing letters and putting them in the mail that same day. Having insomnia (obviously I don't suffer with it often). Travelling. Knowing that I'm not the only thing on the planet that matters. Starting my day with poetry and finishing it up with it too. Swings and Hammocks. Making to do lists and crossing things off. Old people. Cleaning, and the product thereof. Flossing my teeth. Visiting home, and coming back to my own. Knowing that the children I have will be raised in a conscientious manner. Being a rebel. Going to the symphony. Seeing the love of my life's hands, and square face. Planning my wedding. Greasy spoons. Porches and dusk. The hope that there are still farmers.

Occupy America

Is this the midst of a revolution? One that swarms my email each day and I never respond, nor read for that matter. Shit. Am I really this ambivalent? If you get inside your own head that's the end of it. Remember that. One, maybe two word sentences never sold a book. That's a lie, haiku and other words of poetry. One word on one line, no words on no lines they all sounded the same to the tailor on the minefield who could mot hear anymore. Seconds later he felt a bullet whish past him, a tall and slender man.Boy am I stoned. I'm typing out a scene from The Gods Must Be Crazy in my blog. In stead of camping out with some of them.
I MEAN INSTEAD OF FOCUSING ALL MY ENERGY TO BECOME THE BEST OCCUPATIONAL THERAPIST I CAN BE.

Stupid title down below

I didn't even bother to read the post that accompanied the title. I'm too busy being content sitting in my new apartment kitchen enjoying coffee which each sip makes the serrano pepper I ate with my delicious eggs burn baby burn. This is our place, not me moving into his place that was so fancifully decorated it made me cringe. I am now able to buy the perfect table from Goodwill and scrub it clean until the finish comes off. I love thrift stores and think more people should buy from them. Thats all. I think I am going to go lay down and look at the beautiful mans face which whom I will be wed.

does sadness make a better writer?

Because tonight I am feeling unsatisfied with myself. First off, I ate three pieces of fried chicken, what is that all about? Just because you see a movie based in the south does not mean you need to eat the food from it!
I joined a gym the second week of school, which was about 8 months ago. I have been swimming probably 19 times and gone to a few yoga classes. Nice way to spend the $30 a month 'eh? It's always like this with me and maybe humankind too. Not doing the things that are good for you and continuing with the comfort of what you've always known and will probably always be until you decide you've had enough. Which is what I did once.
But wait! Look what I've done! I'm rocking in school~ so far one B the rest A's! I've moved to a different city (I have yet to explore and am longing to do.) And I've fallen in love with a wonderful man, yes internets it is not wise to make decisions while having a psychological meltdown. So stuck I am not. But needing a routine I do in deed!
Maybe it should start with my diet? Some exercise each day? I know. I'll try on my wedding dress, that should open my eyes to the fatness bulging beneath!

two young veterans on the side of Pacific Coast Highway

There was too much traffic so we stopped to go for a swim in the sea that sometimes covers the very road we were driving on. The water was nice, chilled my fingers and toes at first but once I got over the initial numbing I wanted to stay in it forever. I had never been so close to pelicans diving into the sea, clearly my lengthy body which I tried to stay on the surface with was sitting ontop of a feast of fish below.
After a good 20 minutes (why don't we do this more often?) we dry off and get back into the traffic. A couple of young kids were spotted, obviously drunk and having a good time, walking towards the oncoming traffic. Tattoos and toned bodies, shaved heads, tan skin. These were the children that had been to war.
Their 'fuck everything' attitude rang through their comradery even though their ethnicities were worlds apart. Brothers made in lands far away, experiencing things no human should ever see or feel. Maybe because of Hemingway, at one point I thought war would make a person a better writer. Did these boys write?
I know I would. Like now, and my experience from last night which is making me feel like I want to drive away and never come back again. The mind is such a powerful tool and when it goes off on itself I am in trouble. I need to learn how to channel this energy into something bigger than myself because obviously there are much larger things out there. Like war, the ocean, an opening night play about Rachel Corrie (bless her heart) that I had to leave because my mind thought it was too big to be in that intimate theatre in the woods.
So big deal. I write a single paragraph that records my fears of the night. Fears that make me feeling like leaving everything and exisiting in a world with nothing. And I feel like driving, just driving far away. Like he doesn't understand me and maybe I should leave. But I know it was the weed, and making a decision like that after a night like that should be with caution. Beginning again. We always begin again.