I'm mad at myself

I am learning how to be an Occupational Therapist but I hardly read my books. Still BSing my way through college, so what am I really learning anyway? This is stupid and it must change. From now on my To Do Lists end with 'reward myself by seeing Bahram'. If I haven't gotten it done, he is not to be seen. Period. You hear that stubborn Shannon? Make a difference in your life. You're paying for it after all(both literally and figuratively). And this stuff is pretty applicable to daily life, should be interesting. You got the ring and as new as the relationship is, it is stable and you feel good about all things. Now is the time for school. 4 weeks in girl, don't mess it up. Period.

Introductions and Exams

I can't believe I am writing here when I have an exam at 10 in the morning. Ugh. Gotta go. But wanted to say oh hey! Going to SLC this weekend to introduce him to the fam. He's funny too. I told him I wanted him to dress nice for our dinner I've arranged at a fine dining establishment in Park City that I crave like no other and he told me he had a nice pink shirt and pink tie. I'm thinking, cool Starr's husband loves pink and I can totally dig that. Then he said he had a yellow suit to go with it. I am so in love with him that I can't stand it. Like I can study. Want to hear more? Ha ha ha. Two months and engaged. Who would have thought? The grin on my face is all telling. He is going to buy me a house and a farm. It just keeps getting better. Hopefully this is no joke. If it were, I'd take that ring and pay off my car and my student loans. Is that kosher? Judge Judy what would you say??

Got it.

And it is making a disco ball on my wall from the sun. Holy Shit. It is a damn good thing to be in love.

Is this really happening?

So, where should I begin? How we met? Roger Waters concert Dec 5, 2010. He came up to me after seeing me walk down the stairs in the sold out arena. I kept his number, even though the line he advanced with was quite bad, he's foreign, but I thought it would be nice to have a date when I get back to LA. So I move here on Jan 12 ish. We go out one night before school started, I find him interesting. He is a mad environmentalist and has passion for politics and poetry. I am still trying to figure out if he is hot and want to see him again. We go out during the first week of school. I'm really impressed this time with the conversation. I bust a move in his car when he drops me home. He asked me out to go to a super shissy restaurant in Beverly Hills for the weekend. I decline because I am going through the normal Shannon Bullshit about not being able to do school and why should I reward myself with fine dinner?
We got out to Mastro's the following weekend. He says he waited 10 days for that, he actually counted from the last time I saw him. Scotch's on the menu cost $30, I'm wondering if it is for a whole bottle. The piano man, who has been playing there 40 years and knows over 400 songs sings 'Have I told you lately that I love you' upon our entrance, he tells me that is his song. Hilarius. Dinner was good, the waitress was super cute and I can't wait to go back and ask her a few questions about my new man.. waitress' know a lot.

Rewind to today. I am completely in love with him and he feels exactly the same. I can't even begin to write here of all of the amazing things he does for me. A few examples? Brings me fresh citrus in the morning from during his LA freeway commute, set up plates of fruit and almonds (decided they would be better roasted, so roasted them) around me while I tried to study at his beautiful home.He wnats to own some land with chickens, lamas and goats, hates plastic, has no microwave and cooks amazing food. He shucked me a dozen oysters, his best friend and him only ate three of them! I am so having oysters at my wedding.
We've talked about marriage, I feel the weight of a ring on my finger.It's crazy. He wants me to move in and I told him not until we are married. Best part, no sex yet. He even said he could wait until our wedding night. I want to hold him to that. It just feels right so I am pretty sure we are going to rush in.. I want a ring and then I'll move in, wedding after school is finished.
He is so kind and smart too.He's an engineer who owns his owns a small company, a demolitian man who is so fucking sexy in his work boots and cowboy hat. I wish I could write about all of the details of amazing things that have happened, like when I woke up from being passed out at his house, notice a glass of water on the night stand and walk into his kitchen to hear him singing very loudly the line of Rumi in Farsi. That is the instant we fell in love. Him, because I said I didn't want to disturb his poetry and me because he said I was the climax of it.
I can't believe I found my husband and just knew it. You hear stories of this happening, btu never think it would or wonder if it will work. Whatever, I am going with it. I have nothing to loose to a Persian warrior who I am hopefully bringing to meet my family next weekend. Wow. I really want that ring.

I'm in love

That's all.

fancy is as fancy does

And here I am in all my glory. I've started this post 19 times and yet again do not feel like writing all my innards out. Because they suck. I wait and wait and think when will I change and become motivated to study and not think about random men I just met with beautiful curly hairs and Mercedes Benz's.
I started graduate school last week and had a huge meltdown, going to get back on some anti d's because my thinking is so distorted. My classes seem ok, nothing has really grabbed me as totally interesting yet, but it is applicable to daily life so that is good.
But basically I am the same old me. I haven't started to exercise, eat right, study or blah blah blah. Time will only tell.

It has arrived, year thirty five!

I think I have too much going on right now to have a birthday today. I am throwing a going away/bday party tonight so perhaps afterwards it may seem more real that I am officially closer to forty. But you know me, age I do seek! Can't wait for those scotch's on the porch at age 79.
My life as I know it is about to change. And I am so excited about that. Sorry people if you don't hear from me often, maybe that will bring more phantom readers to my bloggg.

It's 2011. I have a sore throat.

And I did a good deed. After working 11 hours today I wanted to go see Casey, a beloved beloved, at his club to ring in the new year. One scotch and about 15 minutes later, I decide it would be better for my feet to enjoy a bottle of champagne with my depressed friend Megan who is often bedbound. Depression is a weird thing and I think I can speak candidly about it since I have been down that road and this blog can surely attest to that. I even did my stint at a mental hospital. That's right, I wanted to walk in front of a bus at one time. But then I realized that I would miss the sky too much or the smell of a flower. This is not even where I wanted to be going with this post in the first place.
It's NYE aka NYD for christs sake!! This year is sure to bring change. And I sure hope my throat does not bring strep to ring it in! Good night 2010, you didn't turn out to be so bad afterall.

just my writing

The title of this post comes from the tabs at the top of this blog site, choices like Monetize, Stats or Design. I just want to write but fear it won't be tonight as I have drank some beers from my place of employment and am now all nestled in bed. And have I mentioned that it is Christmas Eve?
Wow. The thought of it. Thirty five, in my mothers basement about to embark on graduate school. Thank god. If I didn't have that, what would I have? Seriously- it is time to get things rolling and recognize what is funktified. Or lack there of, which is me!
I long for a communtiy but fail to get involved where I reside.. always just two or three steps away from happiness. Isn't that right Perry Farrell, from a cassette tape I listened to in my formative years. Get it? I just poured myself another beer.
Honestly, I am scared of grad school. Sort of like I will fail, or give up. I can't though, then I will be a waitress with 50 grand in debt from a program I never finished. I am so sick of being a waitress. Why am I even thinking like this? Like it's an option not to finish the program. And like it was an option to be a waitress 15 god damn years. Wow.
Maybe I should end on that thought. Or this one.. whatever it is that you want to do, or wanted to do as a child- do it. Life keeps going and it's better to live your dreams than not to.
So one day I will see the Mongolian sky and live in the jungle with animals.