remember this awakening

7:09 Nobody is there but my dog and I, yet I reach out my arms to envelop another and then I open my eyes. The thoughts came first this morning and then the movement. Does this happen often in the brain? Must take notes in early a.m.

Sunsets change moods

Today was a complete wash and sadly, this happens weekly. I would have so much rather woken up, stretched with the dog, made mom some breakfast and gone for a walk. But instead I stayed in bed far too long, made a big bowl of oats and got back into bed. This is not how I wanted my day to begin. I mentioned a hike to my sister but the weather was not permitting so we chose an indoor activity instead. We went to a fucking mall to waste time. I think we were both feeling the same type of blah today, but she has two kids and I? No excuses. I did engage in a few meaningful activities and got an inspiring text about a friend who landed a job in HI (1-2-3ALOHA!)But when it comes down to it, I do not do the things that need to be done for me. And yes, I am extrememly hard on myself.
The day dragged on until night sky started to arise and the clouds offered solace to my over thoughts. When bold crimson offset grey blue I raced up to Wasatch Blvd. in time to see golden lining of setting sun. The colors on the trail from sage and long grass were absolutely incredible as well, and the burnt orange boulders that make up my home leant themselves nicely to my lean.
But now I am back in my bed. Must chase sunsets more often.

Have I finally left the gutter

of domestic dysfunctional unhappiness? If not out all the way, the only thing left in are my feet. Which I just scrubbed pretty hard with salt, so hopefully all of the muck is off. I am happy. Wait a minute, I AM HAPPY. Much better. There are a few times I still think of the man who shall not be named,like what if he finds my blog or finds out where I live now, and yes sometimes I still look behind me. And I do, on occasion, check my trash mailbox which his emails get sent directly to. But I'm getting better at pushing the empty button, how genius that is on the outside!
A friend told me she could tell I was doing better because I am funny again. To think I even buried that! It is so great to be in this beautiful state this time of year, around my family and helping my mother. I truly feel blessed. And not in the Mormon type of blessing because man those people dressed head to toe in the most innocuous clothing on a SATURDAY in 90 degree weather really bother me.