Sunday, July 15

Sitting in a Costco gasoline line eating a Hershey's chocolate bar

This is not the life I want to live. But is there any other way? Of course there is and I found a man who is willing to go there with me. It's probably not in Salt Lake City, which is in the talking about relocation areas. But come on, I'm from there I know what it is like to live in the land of Zion, he doesn't. Although you can't deny that food and water is plentiful there,the fruit trees that overflow in the summer and perhaps other seasons too. What I'm looking for is a community that I can raise some kids in. Is that crazy? To want to bring children into this world and to pass on my often depressive thoughts to another generation? Are my genes really worth spreading? I know the answer to that is a most definite yes but my depressive thinking pulls me other ways.

Wednesday, July 11

Rabii

I lived as Mallock for 36 years it seems weird to just dump it do easily. But I never did like the perfect alignment of seven first name letters and seven last name letters. Getting rid of two and adding a double vowel at the end leaves much room for this new beginning. And it does feel like one. I didn't think it would since we fornicated a year and a half before making our love governmentally legitimate but something has changed and I(I'm positive he does too)feel pretty excited about it. Most of the flowers survived the road trip and Las Vegas stop over and are now filling our home with the fragrance of Casablanca Lilies and Gardenias. The beauty that sings summer. The bouquet of 48(!)red roses is hung from the dining room fan to dry by the hemp rope that was tied in a bow wrapped around the white silk and lace which is where I held so tightly. The location I chose couldn't have been more perfect, the weather anymore astounding (I did not even notice it I was in a blur!), the officiant whose poetic words joined our love officially has been complimented by many attendees, the simpleness of it, the relaxed aura around me, the photographer that I didn't even notice who kept shooting away, and the red socked purple shoed groom who didn't take his eyes off the aisle for a second so that he could see his soulmate the one who's dress had hung in the closet for a year and he never even peeked walk through the trees and flash a rock on sign while her father looked so handsome in his red socks a gift from his daughter the bride which is me. He said it was the most expensive socks he had ever worn in his life, an $18 item for a man of 77 years. And now I (we) feel different. It is a new beginning a new union of possibilities. I can only imagine the way a virgin would feel the day of their weddding. My body is overwhelmed with happiness and my mind elated in knowing that this man will be by my side through thickness and thin of belly rolls and fruit leather made from fruits picked off Utah trees. And he said he doesn't want me to come to him announcing a pregnancy right away, which I agree with as we have the world to visit, the bankers to concur, a society to fix. But knowing that one day in the near future a child will have his square chin and hopefully dark features leaves me feeling ready.